Page 58 of Kiss, Kill, Thrill Me, Daddy

His fingers spill over the waistband of my underwear, and he pulls them down far enough that my pubes are peeking out. It’s been a week or two since I’ve trimmed, and I worry he might not enjoy the way the hair tickles against his skin. I couldn’t be more wrong if I tried, it seems, because he barrels forward, burying his nose in the hair now growing like weeds, and inhales. He’s fucking breathing me in as if I’m the only oxygen he’ll ever need. “Fuck, baby.” He’s panting, his warm breath seeping through my underwear’s fabric. “Never shave again. Okay? I fucking love you like this.”

He must hear my breath hitch at the admission, because he jerks his head up and stares at me. I’m not sure what he’s feeling. His face is a kaleidoscope of emotions, each one mixing and melding with the next.

“I didn’t mean it like ...” he begins, but trails off, his face radiating regret. I close my eyes and sigh, reaching down and removing his hands from my underwear.

“Until you decide what you do or don’t feel for me, I think we should stop with the sex.”

His eyes widen and he shakes his head. “Abi, I’m not saying I don’t?—”

“I know,” I say, because I do. “But I’m recklessly, dangerously in love with you. If you leave me ...whenyou leave me, I do not know how I will recover. My heart already breaks at the thought, so I must keep it safe.”

He touches my chest. “You can trust me with it.”

I shake my head. “No, I cannot. I want to, but I want you to be happy, even if it isn’t with me.” I button my jeans and stand, watching Tatum’s eyes as they burn holes through me. His jaw is trembling, and despite what I’ve just told him, I cannot stand to see him in pain. I hold my arms out for him and motion him toward me. When he makes no move to stand, I kneel in front of him and take what I hope will one day be mine. His legs wrap around my back, his arms clinging to me like he’s afraid I might let him fall. Silly man, he’s the one letting me slip from his grasp.

“I do care for you. More than I’ve ever cared for anyone,” he admits.

“I know,” I say, kissing the side of his face. “I just hope one day you’re able to allow yourself to be happy.” His skin is warm against mine, and I want more from him, so I kiss his scalp, letting my lips linger this time.

“I’m not going to stop cuddling with you. Whether you’re protecting your heart or not, you don’t get to stop snuggling.” When he looks up at me, he’s got a worried expression on his face. “Okay?” The words are a plea, and it’s one I do not wish to deny him.

“Alright.”

He buries his head in the crook of my shoulder and hugs me just as hard as I’m hugging him. “Please don’t give up on me, Daddy,” he whispers.

I squeeze his ass, allowing my finger to trail closer to his crack. I’ve missed it almost as much as I miss the way things were before the Bens entered our fold. Tatum’s clinging to me with an unbearable grip. I know what he needs. Reassurance. Tobe told he’s still my good boy. There’s only one way I know to bring him back from the edge of self-doubt. I bring my finger to my mouth, slicking it for his comfort. With his face burrowed into my neck, I don’t know if he even realizes what I’m doing.

I slip my finger beneath his shorts, and my body trembles when I hear him gasp. “Deep breath, my love,” I whisper. “Here it comes.”

The moment I’m inside him, it’s as if the rest of the world fades away. He clenches tight around me, reminding me of what I stand to lose at the end of this.

Tatum’s mother calls out the window for us, and as I stand, I hold Tatum right against me, refusing to set him down. I try to ease my finger out of him, but he flexes his entrance even tighter. “No. Please? Just keep it there.”

“We have to go inside. I need you to let me go or your family will see.”

“Don’t care.” He shakes his head, his silky hair tickling the side of my face. “Too bad, so sad for them. Don’t take it out. I don’t care anymore.” His hole tightens around my finger as if he’s giving it a hug. “This is a part of us. It’s not as if you’re stroking my cock in the living room for all to see. It’s almost like our way of holding hands.” He pulls his bottom lip between his teeth and stares at me. There’s a bit of wetness in his eyes, and it’s a sight that sends my heart splintering in my chest. “Please?”

Leaning closer, I press a quick kiss to the corner of his mouth. “Alright.”

Once we make it inside, I spot Mrs. St. James leaning forward against the kitchen island. She’s smiling at her phone, her thumbs tapping rapidly at the keyboard. Her phone makes a whooshing sound before she locks the screen and slides it into her pocket. Our eyes lock, and I watch as her gaze falls to Tatum’s backside. Her eyes widen, but to my surprise, she simply smiles and winks at me.

“Tatum?”

He pulls himself away from my neck and stares at her. On theback porch, he claimed he no longer cared if his parents knew this is the way I comfort him. Now, with reality settling in, his tiny body is shaking in my arms. “Yes, ma’am?”

She gives her son a smile before nudging her head toward the archway that leads into the living room. “Dad’s in there with Benjamin and Bennet. Why don’t you boys go in? I’ll let you know when lunch is ready.”

“He untied Benji?” Tatum asks.

She shakes her head. “I untied him. For heaven’s sake, I don’t know what this little game is you boys get up to with the ropes and the random weapons I keep finding around the house, but I’m not having you keep the poor boys chained to a bed for days on end.”

Tatum’s eyes narrow. “We had them tied up for a reason. They’re already on the fence about running off. Sweet Rinna, Almighty, it’s as if you haven’t heard a fucking word I’ve?—”

“Abdulov?” Mrs. St. James interrupts, her voice sterner than I’ve ever heard it. I give her an acknowledging grunt. “If you’ll remove your finger from ... wherever you’re keeping it hidden, I’d appreciate it if you’d give my son a quick pop on the backside. I won’t stand for blatant disrespect.” She sets her sights on Tatum. “You’re not going to get away with it. Not in this house, you won’t. Apologize.”

“Sorry,” he grumbles. “But if either of them run away?—”

“Then we will track them down. Good Lord, it’s as if you have no faith in me whatsoever. I raised your heathenish behind, I think I can handle Bennet and Benjamin.” She waves us away with the flick of a wrist. “Now, go on. Skedaddle. I’ve got a salad to toss, then Fiona and I are heading up in town to get our outfits for the big day. She says she’s going to make me look like a lipstick lesbian, whatever the heck that means.”

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