Page 60 of Bound By Roses

“Can you help me with this?”

Jade studies the flowers in my hand, and he seems almost sad. “I don’t know if I can.”

“There’s a mortar and pestle in my bag. You just need to mash the lavender until it releases an oil.”

He takes one of the flowers carefully between two fingers and then blows out a sigh of relief when it doesn’t immediately burst into flames. I can hardly sit still as he grinds them. As soon as he’s finished, he sets it down and inches away from the bowl.

I can feel Quinn pressing against the mental wall I’ve put up to block him out, and know he would share this pain with me if I let him. But I won’t. I dip my cauterized stump into the lavender oil and take even breaths until it calms most of the fire. The throbbing pain radiating deep into my arm remains, and something tells me that has nothing to do with the burn. Some injuries cause sensations that take longer to heal than the wound itself. At least it was my left hand.

I reach behind me to one of our supply packs and pull out a bottle of whiskey. The amber liquid burns as it travels down my throat, but it’s a welcome distraction. I offer the bottle to Jade, but he shakes his head and leans further away.

“I don’t think alcohol is the safest drink for me anymore.”

Right. The last thing we need is for him to blow up our camp. We sit in silence for a short while, but it’s not long before I feel the urge to break it. “I remember the last time we were by a fire like this.”

His eyes meet mine and there’s a minuscule crease to his brows, as if he’s searching for something in my stare. “Why is it that when I meet your gaze, I feel as if it should bring me pain?”

“Because it used to. You were cursed to love me, and because I’d chosen Quinn, it hurt when we looked at each other. I felt it too, though I don’t think I ever admitted that to you.”

“It doesn’t hurt anymore.”

I’d suspected as much, but this is the first time he’s confirmed it. “You broke the curse. You freed us all.”

He looks away from me and stares deeply into the flames flickering in front of us. “I want to remember. I don’t know who or what I am. I’m just angry all the time.” His hands ball into fists atop his lap, and if I weren’t afraid of getting burned, I might reach out and touch one.

“You being angry isn’t exactly a new thing,” I tease, not expecting any laughter and not getting any in return. “Why are you here?”

He sighs. “I don’t know. I heard you and Quinn left to find answers, and it just felt like I should be with you. I thought maybe it would help me remember. Clearly I was wrong.”

I don’t know what else to say, so I hold up my injured hand. “Thank you. For this.”

He shrugs. “Glad to know I’m good for something other than destruction.”

“My offer from that cave still stands, you know. We’ll help you if you let us.” It feels wrong making promises on Quinn’s behalf so soon after finding out he’d broken one to me, but he owes Jade his life.

Jade stands abruptly. “I should go.”

That wasn’t the reaction I was expecting. “Stay.”

He shakes his head. “Wouldn’t want to burn the forest down. Actually, if I’m being honest, that’s exactly what I want to do. So I need to not be here.”

He’s running, but I can’t tell if it’s from me or from himself. “You came for a reason. You don’t have to be alone anymore.”

“Maybe it’s for the best.”

“You don’t mean that.” I may not know this Jade very well, but I can still tell when he’s full of shit.

“Maybe not, but I still can’t be here right now.”

“I’ll see you when we get back to Marein?” There’s hope in my voice, and the amount of it surprises me. I’ve accepted that things can never again be the way they were, but I still want this tormented man in my life—even if I no longer feel compelled to love him.

“Sure.” That’s all the answer I get before his wings emerge and with a single flap, he’s in the air and speeding away into the night.

With Jade gone and the wolves—all three of them—making themselves scarce, the soft crackle of the fire lulls me into exhaustion. Whatever adrenaline had been keeping me going has dissipated and the urge to sleep is overwhelming. I move for the shelter I’d built for Quinn and I and settle down onto the cot. I lay there for far too long, switching positions every few minutes and still finding it impossible to get comfortable.

After what could have easily been a half hour, I realize that it’s not my hand that’s making sleep difficult. It’s the fact that I haven’t slept alone since Quinn and I were reunited. I may be furious with him, but his absence is doing more harm than good.

I open the bond between us and reach out to him.‘Come to bed.’

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