Angry.
No, it’s more than that. I can see he’s trying to keep his features emotionless, but there’s a coldness to his eyes that I’ve never seen there before. He’s making no effort to hide the fact that he’s avoiding looking in my direction, and the five feet between us feels somehow even further.
“You still want to kill me.” It’s not a question. This may not be my Jade, but I know him all too well to not pick up on the subtle hints in his body language. His memories may be clouded, but his mannerisms are the same. This is exactly how Jade looks when he’s trying not to do something.
“Very much,” he says, and his candour takes me by surprise. My Jade probably would have played down the urges or laughed them away as if it was all part of some twisted game.
“What’s stopping you?”
His eyes meet mine for only a heartbeat before he looks away again. “Every time I so much as think about how easy it would be to snap that pretty neck of yours, something inside me tells me not to.”
This Jade is definitely more honest, though every bit as brutal. “Is that why you left?”
“I left because everything I touch fucking catches on fire.”
There’s the anger. I give him a moment to collect himself. There’s steam in the air now that wasn’t there before, and all at once, I realize why he’s in this cave. “You’re in pain.”
He laughs once, short and sharp. “Mentally or physically?”
“Both, but I’m talking about physically. Water hurts you, yet you’re hiding in a cave that at least partially floods when the tide rolls in. I bet even the air in here hurts you.”
Another flash of his gaze in my direction. “You’re observant. Is that why Terranous chose you?” He spits out the God’s name as if it were a curse.
“I still don’t know why he chose me.”
He scoffs. “He hasn’t told you?”
“Has Inferna told you?” She possessed his body, so perhaps she can speak to him. I’d hoped Terranous would reach out to me, but he’s been silent. Even the Echo that lived in Rosewood’s crown could tell me nothing.
“Not in so many words.”
“But you can talk to her?”
“No. Maybe. I don’t know. It feels like she’s always in my head, but I haven’t heard her voice. Not since I’ve been awake.” His body suddenly tenses and he turns away from me. “I shouldn’t be telling you this. You’re my enemy.” The words comeout as a growl, but I get the feeling it’s more from him keeping himself in check rather than anger at my questioning.
“I’m not your enemy. You said that to me once, and now I’m saying it to you.”
His eyes find me again, but this time they don’t look away. I feel nothing other than the weight of that stare. The sharp pain I used to feel is gone, further evidence that the bond—the curse—we once shared is broken. “I don’t remember that.”
“I can help you remember.” I say the words with conviction, though I’m uncertain if I believe them. There may be no coming back from what he went through.
“The person you knew is dead. I’m just what’s left. The sooner you accept that, the sooner I can get back to trying not to murder you.”
“I’m sorry,” I say, and I don’t think I’ve ever meant those words more.
He laughs, and it’s all wrong. “For what?”
“I’m the reason you lost a part of yourself. You were ready to die, and I was selfish.”
The green in his eyes flare, briefly overtaking the red that doesn’t belong there. “You think I’m here because of you?” He shakes his head, either annoyed or exasperated. “I’m here because Inferna brought me back. My only purpose is to kill you and the other Chosen, which makes whatever nagging history I have with you a real pain in my ass.”
I’m almost too stunned for words, but I push past it. “You can’t go after Void.”
He puts a hand on his hip but then thinks better of it, as if he doesn’t want to touch the fabric of his pants anymore than he already is. “And why is that?”
“Because he’ll kill you. He’s getting stronger every day.” His voice has changed even more in my nightmares, making himsound older almost every day. I wouldn’t even call him a child anymore, though I can’t be certain without seeing him.
“You think I can’t sense that? I feel the urge to go to him as much as I feel the urge to burn you to ash. I’m only in this fucking cave to stop myself from doing either.”