Page 47 of Ash and Roses

After lunch, still with no sign of Quinn and nothing else to do, I find myself in the library. It’s smaller than the one in Lunae, but there’s one major difference that makes this one better: it’s not forbidden to me. I select a book at random and set it on the chair next to the fireplace. I’ve never had to start my own fire, but how hard could it be?

Quite difficult, as it turns out, but after a good while of fumbling with the starter, the logs spark to life with a sharp crack. I curl up on the chair, letting the warmth wash over me, and flip open the book. It only takes a few chapters for me to realize that this is exactly the sort of book that would be banned in Lunae. Teagan tried to steal me one once so we could giggle over the smut, but right now as I absorb the words, the last thing I want to do is laugh.

Soon the images of the characters in my mind are replaced by more familiar faces. When the protagonist’s lover shoves his fingers inside her, it’s Quinn’s fingers I imagine inside of me.

This is wrong. I should shut the book, if not throw it in the fire completely, but I want to feel it. I want to feelhim. Before I even realize what I’m doing, I slip a finger inside myself and imagine it’s Quinn’s hand. In and out, faster and deeper, thumb rubbing at my core, until my neck arches and I drop the book with a pleasured cry.

Fuck.

If he heard me… But no sound comes. No footsteps, no cocky laugh full of smug satisfaction. I’m alone, and the Gods know I wish I wasn’t. What is it about him that has me so…

At first, I can’t think of the word until one pops into my mind as if out of thin air.Flustered.

I don’t think it’s exactly the word I was looking for, but it’s close enough. I look towards the window to find that the sun is already setting. Somehow, I’d lost myself in written words and imaginings for the entire rest of the day.

I could eat more, but the only hunger I feel now is the one that demands a repeat of last night. I leave the library and return to the room I’d shared with Quinn. It’s empty, and although it doesn’t surprise me, the wave of disappointment that hits me does.

I leave the door open—an invitation in case he comes by this way in the night—and crawl into bed. It feels too big without him now, as if last night had ruined it for me. I’d shared a bed with Teagan before when the nightmares were particularly bad, but I’d never felt like this in the days afterward. This small room feels far too large without him in it.

I run a hand over his place in the bed and will him to be there. I’d been awful to him today in the hopes that I wouldn’t feel like this tonight, but it backfired and now I want nothing more than to pick up where we’d left off. Last night was a mistake, but some mistakes are worth making twice.

CHAPTERTWENTY-FOUR

QUINN

Flustered.

She makes me so fucking flustered. Here I am, minding my own business, when she sends me the mental image of my fingers inside of her. This is how she chooses to spend her free time? Reading smutty books in the library and fantasizing about me?

“Damnit,” I curse under my breath. This is worse than I thought. A mating bond is only a suggestion, and it’s obvious she hasn’t got a clue about the threads slowly weaving between us, but every timethathappens, the fibres get a little stronger. If she’d just gone home when she was supposed to, I wouldn’t be alone in my tower with a throbbing bulge in my pants.

I could go to her. I know she wants me to. I can feel her in that room now, atop the bed waiting for me. With a single thrust inside her, I could put her little self-indulgence session to shame and make her scream my name so loud the walls vibrate with her pleasure.

But I won’t.

For once in my life, I’m going to do the right thing and stay locked in my tower. She’s safe, and if something happened, it’s not like I wouldn’t sense it.

A mate.

A godsdamn fucking mate.

As if my life wasn’t torture enough, the Gods had to bring someone else into it. She doesn’t deserve this, just as I don’t deserve her. I’m a monster, and nothing about this is right.

“Go to sleep,” I moan into my pillow. If she touches herself again, I don’t think I’ll be able to refrain from going down there. The thought of her around my cock again—

“Stop it!” I need to calm down. The bond is stronger on my end, but there’s still a chance she’ll sense my frustration and come looking for me herself.

I am going to sleep, and it’s going to be terrible. It’ll be filled with nightmares and every single one of my worst memories, because that’s the way it’s supposed to be. Last night was a mistake.

Last night was amazing.

I roll over onto my side and curl up as tight as I can, as if the smaller I make myself, the less I’ll feel her three floors below me. Just one more night. I just have to get through one more night.

CHAPTERTWENTY-FIVE

ABBY

When he didn’t turn up to breakfast, I devoted the rest of the morning to searching for him. He wasn’t in his tower, nor was he in the library, the dining hall, or outside on the training grounds. I’d even checked the throne room, though I knew beyond a doubt he wouldn’t be in there.

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