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“Where are you going?”

“I’m done, River. I’ll be your manager, but that’s it. I didn’t pull myself out of one hell to be dropped in another. I’ll let Ben know as crew chief he’s making the decisions on the track. I’ll just be the money man. That’s all you really need, isn’t it, River? Just you and the fucking track. You stopped making room for people a long time ago. I wish I would have realized it a lot sooner than now. At least before my heart had started to mend.”

“Don’t leave.” It was a plea.

“Why? You have it all figured out. You have your walls so high no one can get over them, and every time I think you might let them down for me, you add another fucking layer. You may have everyone else fooled, sweetheart, but I see who you are. You’re a fucking mess. You race to hide, you train so you don’t have to feel anything, and you pick fights with me, so I have to break you down.”

Sitting there, River knew every word he said was the truth. She hadn’t been living her life for the last seven years. She’d been surviving. “I’m sorry.”

“I don’t want your sorry anymore. What I want, what I deserve, what I fuckingneedis you to trust me so you can love me. Love me, damn it,. Like I love you. Because I’m drowning without you.” Riot didn’t wait for her to say anything else. If he did, it would be the same. Her arguing and him breaking her down. Fuck! He was so sick of the fucking roller coaster ride that was River Wile.

“I do love you.” She was terrified of losing everything again. How could he not see that when he saw everything else so clearly. Movement caught her eye. River looked up through tear flooded eyes and saw him standing there. She thought he had left.

“Then let me in.” He wouldn’t go to her. He should have walked out the damn door, leaving her to worry, but his concern for her made him stay. His mood wasn’t any better. Saying she loved him had been the words he wanted to hear, they were hollow to him. Just a little too late. Riot had meant it when he told her he was done. She would have to come to him from this point on.

“I don’t know how.”

“I can’t help you with that, River. You have to figure that out for yourself. I’m still here because I need to see how badly you are injured. That’s all, so show me. Please.” He thought they had turned a corner; how foolish he had been in thinking that. He shouldered some of the blame. He really needed to walk away… soon.

River stood up and opened the robe, leaving her exposed emotionally and physically. Her leg was killing her. She should have soaked in a hot tub and iced it already. She hadn’t. She had been pacing the floor, worrying about how mad Riot would be when he got there. Now she knew.

He hated being the asshole. Looking at her, Riot saw how vulnerable his woman truly was. He clenched his fist so he wouldn’t pull her to him for comfort. The bruises were only beginning to surface. River would be sore for at least a week by the looks of things. When she closed the robe and sat down, everything in him screamed go to her. “I’ll call Mal to come help you; I need some distance from you right now.” As the door closed, he heard the first sob break loose. He stood there for a second, thinking how fucked up the situation was. Then he walked away.

***

He should have known better to take a drive instead of just hitting the shower at the hotel. Sitting in his car, Riot found himself in the parking lot of the D&T Racing office. Michael’s car still sat in his designated spot. He was there, so he might as well let the team know that he wasn’t pursuing River Wile as a rider for them.

It was too late for anyone to be working. Riot walked through the lobby and headed down the hallway where he found Michael’s office just where it should be—at the end, the biggest corner office on the floor.

“Michael.” Standing in the open door, he felt disgusted over his own feelings.

“Riot, what brings you into the office this late in the evening?”

“I’m thinking of cutting River loose.” He shoved away from the door and walked across the office to look out the window over the city. All the lights were like bright colorful stars coming to life.

“That’s new. Has something happened we aren’t aware of?”

Riot almost laughed at the question. “She doesn’t listen. Hell, she doesn’t care to listen.”

“Are we talking about her racing career or her love life?”

“Her career.”

“Just clarifying.”

She didn’t trust him, andhe didn’t blame her. He was honest when Michael asked him. Hell, Michael and Jason were leery about trusting him, and still probably were at times. He didn’t blame them either. Holding himself away from everyone that cared for him only made things worse. Michael had asked him if he blamed them for their feelings. How could he when he hadn’t done anything to change it for so long? What bothered him was that he could see it all over their faces at times. The doubt they sometimes had.

Kidding himself about his own feelings of doubt when it came to trusting them was foolish. A lot of water has passed under the bridge. The fact they were all still standing here fighting had to mean something.

“Riot.” Michael leaned back in his office chair, staring at his friend, his brother. He knew the man before him had lost his footing a long time ago and he needed a reminder of who he was. “When did you become a pussy?”

“What the fuck?”

Michael asked him, “Are you sure you’re still Johnny ‘Riot’ Meniere? That guy was a motherfucker. No one gave him shit. No one dared go against him, especially his woman. The Johnny Meniere that Michael remembered wouldn’t be waiting on his woman to tell him what she was going to do. He would be telling her, and she’d do it. Maybe you need to be reminded of that fact.”

Time had made things different, but why? Because Riot checked out on them. Believed the bullshit Laurel spewed at him. Fuck it. He needed to get over it, get past it. Get the fuck around it but figure it the fuck out. Because they were willing to do the same thing. Michael reminded Riot that Laurel had been and still was a manipulator. He told Riot what someone should have told him months back that the bitch knew what she had been doing when she took everything away from him. The more Riot thought everyone deserted him, the more he depended on her support. She managed to alienate him from everyone who loved him, including his family. They still weren’t talking to him.

Riot didn’t blame them. If they got the same messages everyone received… damn, it would take a lot to make things right. But he was trying—couldn’t they see that? Riot stood up, shoving the chair from behind me, pissed. “Can you not keep reminding me of how badly I screwed up?” he yelled.

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