Page 41 of Played

“I fucked her stupid to ease my broken heart. Then I started drinking—and I’m not talking a glass of wine or a beer… more like a half a fifth a night, or more.” Riot got up and paced the room, forcing the words to come out, knowing with every fucking breath River was counting the steps to get out of the room and away from him. “After a while I stopped caring who I had become. Laurel was always there with the glass of scotch or a pain pill when my body ached.”

He stopped fucking her after he started drowning himself with booze every damn day. A year ago, he woke up with Laurel draped across his chest and a bottle of scotch on the nightstand. He realized he was completely sober; he hadn’t been with her. It was a game she had played many times. Then Laurel went out of town for business for almost a week. No one was there to ease his pain, to ease his head or his heart with booze or pills. “I hated who I had become, because of this.” He ran his hand down his side to his leg. The scars were webs of lines, some with ridges. Some were faded and flat, but they hurt all the same. Some pain is more than physical, it’s emotional and mentally draining. “I started to work out again, drank less, tried taking less pills, tried to start healing myself. Every time I thought I was making progress; I would slip backward into that misery into that fog.” Riot stood, staring out the window into the night.

He had come a long way this time. Six months he’d managed to stay sober. He really didn’t know if he could stay clean if River called whatever this was quits.

“I still don’t understand why you didn’t reach out to me.”

“Don’t you fucking get it, River?”

“Get what? That you chose her over me?”

“No, that I couldn’t stand to have you look at me like I was a piece of shit, just like you said.”

“I can’t stand this fighting between us.”

“We aren’t fighting, we’re talking.”

He turned to face her, to see her eyes, to know what she was feeling as he told her, “I moved out of Laurel’s the day after they were together at the house.” He saw the surprised look on her face. “Yes, this is where I have been living since then. Grand, isn’t it?”

Wanting to get them both out of their heads, River switched gears—for herself just as much as for Riot. “I’ve spent the night in cheaper motels while on the circuit. I even used to carry my own pillows and sheets.” Smiling at Riot, she told him about some of the places her team had stayed over the years while hustling sponsors with DD. Not everything was glamourous. One night the motel was so raunchy they slept in their trucks. Riot laughed when she told him even the cockroaches wouldn’t fuck in that place.

He came back to the bed, taking a seat. He shoved her hair from her face so he could see those eyes that saved him every time he felt like he was slipping away. “Thank you.”

“For what?”

“Not running out the door.”

“You’re welcome. Now help me eat this pizza.”

Riot leaned forward and took a bite of her pizza, making her laugh. It was easy being them for a moment. When the morning came, he would bet on them fighting again Things couldn’t change that much in one night.

Chapter Sixteen

It was a beautiful day for a race. The sun was shining. But her gut told her she was making a huge mistake, and her heart told her she was fucking up. Riot hadn’t called or returned her calls since they spent the night together at his hotel. River had mistakenly thought they had turned a corner, but it seemed they hadn’t. He had told her that he was traveling to get sponsors for the team. Yes, and she told him they were just going to try working their shit out. But damn it, not calling her for days chaffed her ass and pissed her off. Slipping right back into old habits was easy for them both. This race had been set up before the altercation at the track. If neither he nor Ben couldn’t show up as part of her team, she would race with Dan and Mal in the pit.

“Darling, you ready to ride this bike today?”

Smiling at Dan, she nodded her head. 170 miles an hour of raw power blasting down the straightaway carrying her with it—Hell to-the-fucking-yes she was ready to fly. “I’m cool.”

“That’s good, I’m glad you’re cool, cause I’m freaking the fuck out. We don’t have any extra help. It’s you, me, and Mal. What the fuck were we thinking?”

“We were thinking we had already signed up to race, so let’s race.” Slapping Dan on the back, she went to check out the track while she had time.

“Did you bother telling Ben or Riot about this race?”

“No, why would I? Neither one has reached out to me. I apologized to both of them.” Damn, didn’t sex make up for anything these days? Ben… well, he could get someone else to sleep with him. She laughed internally. She was done begging for forgiveness.

“You asked them to help you do this. Riot’s putting his ass on the line for you, and Ben—he’s always trusted you, River. This is not trusting them back, and I don’t agree with you.”

The race had been set up by Riot and Ben. If they forgot, that was on them. “Nothing’s going to happen, it’s a short race. Let’s see what the bikes can do.” River watched Dan walk off and wondered if she was making a mistake.

***

Leaning against the pit opening, River thought about what Dan had said earlier. She was being an asshole when it came to Riot. He had been trying to prove he was on her side every step. And Ben didn’t deserve her being an arrogant cuss. When they got home, she would sit down with both of them. It was time to get serious and to do that she would need for a serious team.

Mal came up behind her and broke into her thoughts. “Why did we take this race?” Mal stood with her arms crossed, staring at her best friend. There had been no real reason for them to take this exhibition race. “You have something to prove, River?”

Did she? “I want back on that track.” She had to get back on the track with other racers. Austin was still nagging at her. As she walked down pit row, River saw Laurel and Archer Morgan coming her way. “Mal, get your phone out, we’re about to have company in the bad way.”

---