Page 33 of Her Saviors

After putting on my boots, I grab my suit jacket and slide it on over my cut that I’ve put on over my shirt. Taking a final look in the mirror, I add my beanie and make my way out of the room. Brooklyn is wearing a black dress that emphasizes the small baby bump she’s showing already. She’s got Kyler dressed in a dark gray suit and has his hair brushed and styled. He’s got dress shoes on his feet as he looks up at me with pain filling his eyes. He doesn’t totally understand what it means that his parents are dead, he just knows they’re never coming back again. Mia is dressed in a little black dress with tights covering her legs to keep the chill of the day off her bare skin. Brooklyn is putting her in the thin snowsuit we were given when we picked the kids up from Mrs. DeGraw.

“Are we ready to go?” my wife asks me, making her way over and pressing a soft kiss against my lips before stepping back and wiping the lipstick from my skin.

“I’m ready,” I tell her, my voice breaking as nerves fill me.

Jayce grabs Kyler’s hand while I grab the car seat Mia’s been strapped in. Brooklyn winds her arm through mine as we leave our hotel room and make our way to the lobby. I know a limo will be waiting for us as we exit the hotel and find the limo parked right out front. An older man is standing by the back door and he moves to open it when he sees us approaching him. Jayce gets in first and settles Kyler in a seat and fastens him in as I follow Brooklyn into the vehicle. Before the door closes behind me, the loud, thunderous rumble of bikes fills the air. My head snaps up and I find every member of the Tattered and Torn MC filling the parking lot and two SUVs for the women and kids. My family is here as tears fill my eyes and I get Mia’s car seat strapped in the seat between Brooklyn and myself.

As the limo pulls away from the hotel, we’re surrounded by bikes. Every single member of the club is around us as we make our way to the cemetery where my dad and Carrie will be buried. Neither one of them wanted a long, drawn out funeral service and had everything paid for and planned long before their death. I’ve already been with their lawyer and he read the will. Everything was left to me with the exception of the life insurance policies. Those were left to Kyler and Mia and will be placed in a trust until they’re twenty-one years old. They’ll be rich based on the size of the policy and the interest the money will earn until they can use it. I was also left a large sum of money. It seems my dad had been investing money for most of his life and was rich as hell. That’s a surprise and I’m not sure what to do with anything. Brooklyn assured me no decisions need to be made right now.

Jayce and Brooklyn have been my rocks so far. Neither one of them have left my side and have done everything in their power to comfort me and make everything as easy as possible. Brooklyn has been taking care of the kids while Jayce takes care of me. I’ve been so completely lost that I can’t focus on anything and I have no clue what the fuck is going on around me.

Pulling into the cemetery, there’s already a small crowd gathered around as the limo and my brothers park. The driver opens the back door and we all get out, taking Mia from her car seat instead of dragging that with us. For the first time, I hold my baby sister in my arms and feel her weight settle against me. It grounds me as I put one foot in front of the other and head to where we’ll sit during the short ceremony. At least until I get up and give the eulogy.

As we help Brooklyn sit in a chair, Kyler climbs up into the one next to her. I take the one on the other side of her and Jayce sits next to my brother. The club and their women and kids stand directly behind us to keep everyone else away from me. They know I don’t want to talk to anyone or deal with all the bullshit of today. I don’t have it in me to deal with anything except getting through the funeral so we can gather what the kids need before returning home to Odin’s Gap. Honestly, I’m not even sure I can speak coherently at this point since I’ve mostly been monosyllabic ever since receiving the phone call telling me that Dad and Carrie were gone. My family has carried me and they’re still doing so today, something that manages to touch my frozen heart.

I zone out as the minister begins speaking. Brooklyn holds my hand and gives me a gentle squeeze breaking me from my head as I look around. No one’s talking as the minister looks at me. With a nod of my head, I get up and pass Mia off to Jayce. Taking the steps up to where the minister is waiting for me, I take a few deep breaths and don’t look at anyone but my chosen family.

“Um, my dad and I didn’t have the easiest relationship after we lost my mom to cancer. He was so lost in his grief and kind of forgot I existed. I’m not sayin’ this to talk bad about my dad or anythin’ like that. Deep down, he was one of the best men I’ve ever known. He loved my mom so much that he couldn’t see a way out the other side and everythin’ else faded into the background as he tried to figure out how to move on and live a new life without his wife at his side. It wasn’t until he met Carrie that my dad found a way out of the dark abyss that claimed his life for so long. She had him get the help he needed and he was in counseling to deal with his grief. If there’s one thing I regret . . .,” I say, not being able to continue as emotion overwhelms me and I feel as if my throat is closing up.

A small hand takes mine and I look down to find Brooklyn standing next to me with the papers I wrote my eulogy out on. She gives me a sad smile and looks out at everyone before us.

“If there’s one thing I regret, it’s that my dad and I were never able to repair our relationship. We talked one time since he married Carrie and it was him checking in on me. I took it as a step in the right direction but still did nothing to come home and visit with my dad, Carrie, brother, and sister. I wasn’t there to meet Mia when she was born either. Now, I’ll never get the chance to fix what was broken between us and that guts me. My heart has shattered and I don’t know how I’ll ever put the pieces back together again.

“My dad did teach me two very valuable lessons. The first one is not to let your grief suck you down so low you have no clue what’s going on around you and you forget everyone important to you. Secondly, he taught me that it is possible to find love again and open yourself up to those around you. I will take these lessons moving forward and use them to guide my brother and sister as we navigate our new lives. The world lost two very special people when my dad and Carrie were killed in an accident. Hold your loved ones close and make sure everyone in your life knows how important they are to you. You never know when you’ll take your last breath and leave those you love behind,” Brooklyn says, finishing my speech as she continues to hold my hand before leading me back to my seat.

Anguish places his hands on my shoulders as we watch the caskets holding Carrie and my dad be lowered into the ground. Brooklyn doesn’t let go of my hand as tears slide silently down my face. I don’t look at anyone as we wait for them all to leave. When anyone gets too close to me, the guys step in front of me and build a wall so no one can talk to me. My family is in full protection mode and I love them for it.

Exhaustion fills me as Brooklyn and Jayce lead me back to the limo so we can go to the hotel. I can barely keep my eyes open as we make the short trip back. By the time the driver pulls back up in front of the hotel, I’m ready to strip to my boxers and climb in bed once again. It’s so bad, I don’t remember the walk up to our room, Brooklyn helping undress me, or Kyler coming in to give me a hug. I climb in bed and pull the blankets up over my head and sink into the oblivion sleep brings me.

Chapter Twenty-One

Brooklyn

THE FUNERAL WAS yesterday and Gavin has barely been coherent since we left the hotel to go to the cemetery. The second we got back, he climbed in bed and pulled the covers up over his head and fell asleep. He hasn’t stirred since then and Jayce has had to tell me more than once that he’ll be okay. Gavin had a tumultuous relationship with his dad and things were bad more than they were good. He believes that if it weren’t for Gavin’s stepmom, Gavin never would’ve had a thing to say to his dad and he wouldn’t have met Kyler when he was born. While he’s seen Mia once, Carrie sent him pictures every single week so he could at least see his brother, sister, and dad on a regular basis. He has them all stored in a box in his closet at the clubhouse and pulls them out when he’s missing them. That’s the only time he ever looks at the pictures and it breaks my heart to know that’s the relationship he had with his family.

Watching Gavin break down when he was giving his eulogy broke my heart into a million pieces. When I stepped up next to him, I knew he needed the comfort I could give him and wanted to be there for him any way he’d let me. As I read the words he carefully wrote out for the eulogy, my heart shattered even more as he gave a glimpse into his life. Gavin doesn’t open up about his dad at all. I’m not one to push him about that kind of stuff so this is all stuff I’m learning about him as we go. I just hope he doesn’t fade away to nothing like his dad did. Though I can tell Jayce knows about the strained relationship between Gavin and his dad because he’s been at his best friend’s side since he was called at work when we learned what happened.

Today, Jayce and the guys went to the house to pack up what they knew the kids and Gavin would want at our home. The boxes were loaded up in a trailer that was rented to one of the SUVs. Fetch will drive it back with the ol’ ladies in his vehicle. Creed is driving the other SUV with all the kids in it. Jayce made sure to lock the house up once they cleaned out the refrigerator and boxed up the nonperishables that we’re taking back to the shelter to donate. He’s hiring someone to keep an eye on things until Gavin is strong enough to come back and take care of things with us and decide what to do with everything moving forward. I have a feeling he’ll keep the house for Kyler and Mia when they get older. What he does with it until then is his decision to make. Jayce and I will be by his side no matter what.

Mrs. DeGraw called us this morning to let us know what was going to happen moving forward with the kids. When we get back to Odin’s Gap, we’ll be assigned a caseworker to ensure we’re doing everything right with the kids’ best interests at heart. They’ll keep a file on our home life and how the kids are adjusting to their life with us. I don’t think Mia will have a problem, but I do worry about Kyler. Jayce is worried about him too. He’s so quiet and hasn’t said more than a word or two since we picked him up from Mrs. DeGraw. I don’t believe this is how he normally is, but he has no clue what’s going on and Gavin certainly isn’t helping the situation by being so withdrawn and ignoring his brother and sister. When he held Mia at the funeral yesterday, I was shocked and I know Jayce was the same as we looked at one another.

We were planning on flying back to Odin’s Gap with the kids since we flew here the night Gavin got the call from Mrs. DeGraw. Instead, with the club showing up and staying with us, we’ve decided to drive back. Jayce will rent an SUV for us to take home. I think it will be better for the kids because we can stop when they need to and we’ll have the club with us. For now, I’m just trying to keep Kyler and Mia entertained as I wait for Jayce to get back to the hotel so we can wake Gavin up to get ready to leave. I’m hoping that once we return to Odin’s Gap he’ll start to lose the black cloud enshrouding him and start to come back to us. If not for us then for Kyler and Mia. They’re going to need all of us to lend them support and strength at this time.

As I sit on the floor with Mia getting some tummy time and Kyler sitting next to me watchingBluey, I look up to find Gavin standing in the doorway of the bedroom we’ve been sharing as he watches us. I want to jump up and race to his side, but I don’t know if that’s what he wants. I’m trying to take cues from him and give him what he needs.

“Gavin, are you okay?” I ask him, my voice soft and hesitant as I continue looking at him.

“I don’t know, Love. Why are you on the floor?” he returns, his voice raspy and filled with sleep as he takes a few steps closer to us.

I know he’s been disengaged, lost in his head, but his question proves it further, since I’ve done this with Mia before. Cricket and Fee both stressed it was important for little ones because it helps them develop or something like that. Figured since I have twins coming, I definitely need the practice and while the circumstances behind it are horrific, I’m enjoying ‘practicing’ on Gavin’s little sister. I just wish I could figure out how to break through to Kyler, but guess we’ll have to wait until we’re home. Maybe meeting Nanny’s chickens, or Fetch’s dog will help. Little boys like that kind of thing, don’t they? I know Nanny will be a wealth of information when it comes to raising a little boy, but there’s time enough when we hit Odin’s Gap and have the kids settled.

“It was easier to be on the floor. Mia needs some tummy time and Kyler was sitting down here playing with his motorcycle. I just realized it looks like your bike,” I tell him, picking up the motorcycle Kyler’s abandoned and show it to my husband.

“I never noticed that until now,” he answers distractedly. “I’m gonna take a shower. What’s goin’ on for the day?”

“We’re heading home today, Gavin. Jayce is grabbing some stuff from the house to take to Odin’s Gap with the guys. He’s renting an SUV so we can make the trip with everyone else. I don’t really want to fly with the kids if we don’t have to. We’d get home quicker, but with everything going on with them, I feel the best thing for them is to drive back,” I answer him as he just continues looking at us on the floor. “Plus, with Mia being an infant, I understand flying can be hard because it hurts their ears. Don’t really feel like spending a few hours in a plane with her screaming if I’m being totally honest.”

“Okay. Whatever you and Jayce feel is best.” He sounds so lost, my heart breaks for him, but remembering how I was in my head, I decide to extend him as much grace as he and Jayce have given me. He’ll come through this and we’ll be alongside him every step of the way.

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