‘Bound not by blood but loyalty.
We live, we ride,
and we die by our own laws’
You're happy, you're going to have a wonderful life with a great guy.
I tell that to the face in the mirror, though it doesn’t look convinced.
I know that wedding jitters are normal, but are they really supposed to feel as if your stomach is being twisted inside out?
Mark is kind, he’s thoughtful, and, most importantly, he’s reliable.You need that in your life.
I inhale a deep breath and practice my smile. I have a lot of people to convince today, I can’t leave this room and still be one of them.
“Katie.” The door swings open and when Mark's mom, Trisha, and his sister Laura, step inside, they’re both brimming with excitement.
“You look gorgeous.” Trisha steps closer, reaching out her hand and smoothing it over my dress.
“I knew Julio would do an excellent job.” I side-glance my soon-to-be sister-in-law who tries to hide her smirk by lowering her head.
Laura knows how long I spent designing my own dress, she even put her own time into helping me make it. We spent hours at my studio adjusting my sketches and going through swatchesof fabric. All for nothing. Apparently, my vision didn’t match the Collard family traditions. My dress was scrapped and Trisha’s designer friend, Julio,saved the day.
“He really has.” I raise that smile I’m going to be wearing all day, a little higher on my cheeks.
“Are you nervous, dear? I remember when I married George I was a mess.” She giggles as she straightens out the back of my veil.
“I guess I’m a little nervous,” I admit, wondering if God is gonna strike me under this chapel roof when another vision of Aaron Adams slips into my head. It doesn’t belong there, especially not today so I focus hard on expelling it.
“It’s getting quite crowded out there. I didn’t want things to look unev…” Trisha clears her throat awkwardly. “I’ve instructed the groomsmen to sit some of our guests over on your side.” She lowers her voice a few decibels and smiles at me out of pity.
“Harriet and Dani are here. Stacey managed to make it too,” Laura assures me doing her best to sound cheery.
“Ahhh, yes, thegirls.” Trisha raises her eyebrows judgingly. I have no idea why she has such a distaste for them, she only met them once at the tea party she threw for my bridal shower, and she was far too busy chatting with her own friends to get to know them.
“Like I said, I’ve evened things up a little. Now, are you sure you don’t want George to walk you down the aisle? It may not have seemed that long a walk in the rehearsal, but believe me when you have the eyes of everyone in the room watching you it feels like it goes on forever.”
Her voice fades to silence as I picture his handsome face in my mind again. Those crystal blue eyes, and his long, wavy hair. I always wondered if he cut it off over the years. but my imagination wouldn’t let me picture it.
“Mom,” Laura interrupts Trisha’s rambling, and it snaps me back to reality. “I think we should leave Katie to get ready. There are people you should be greeting.”
“You're right, I want to be out there when Maureen Talisman arrives. Her daughter got married last year and it was an absolute shambles.” She looks me up and down one last time before smiling contently.
“You look beautiful, and Mark is going to make you a wonderful husband.” Her lips press against my cheek and as Laura guides her mother back toward the door, she looks back over her shoulder and rolls her eyes.
“Thank you,” I mouth silently before she disappears down the chapel hall.
It’s my best friend who’s responsible for all of this. Laura and I met at art college and, being the kind-hearted person she is, she never allowed me to spend a single holiday by myself. She’d bring me home with her for the 4th of July, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. We stayed in touch when college ended and I continued to visit her and her family during the holidays. At first, I was nervous about how close she lived to the club, but I soon came to learn that the Collard family lived in a different stratosphere to the Souls. Becoming an honorary member of their family is how I met Mark. I was struggling for work, when he called three years ago and said he’d heard of an opportunity for me. And from there everything just snowballed.
I turn back around to face myself in the mirror. Trisha is right, my dressisbeautiful, but it’s just not me. Nothing about the person I see in my reflection feels like me. Up until last week that didn’t bother me. I wanted to be someone new. I was ready to be Mark Collard’s wife and have everything I never thought would be possible, but then something happened. Something that kicked the girl I’d let die inside me back to life. And suddenly,everythingdidn’t seem quite enough.
One Week ago
“Are you sure we should be here?” Laura looks around the barroom nervously, her hand rests over the top of her glass to ensure she doesn’t get her mocktail spiked.
“Come on, it's fun here.” Dani bats her lashes at some guy who walks past us.
“I don’t think Mark would like us being here.” Laura leans closer to whispers in my ear and, as much as I love her, I find it hard not to laugh. She couldn’t look more out of place if she tried, wearing her silk blouse tucked into a checked pencil skirt. Anyone who didn’t know her would think she’d just stepped out of the office. But it’s not the way she’s dressed that has me so amused, it’s the two pink dicks that are attached to the headband she’s been forced to wear, and how they wobble on their springs each time she moves her head.