Page 94 of Cashmere Ruin

This isn’t real. This can’t be real.“You chose me?”

“I will always choose you.”

I try to blink away the tears, but it’s useless. “You trust me?”

“I trust you.”

“You love me?”

“I love you.”

I can’t stop shaking. I can’t stop the tears from falling. I watch them drop into the void like rain and suddenly, it’s like my body’s paralyzed. Like every part of me is screaming,This is real.

“I understand if you don’t want it,” Matvey adds, sounding more pained than I’ve ever heard him. “If it’s too little, too late, just tell me to go to hell. But right now, I need you to come down from there.”

“Come down from…?”

It hits me all at once: where I am. What I’m doing. What I was about to do.

“Come back to me,” Matvey rasps. “Come back tous.”

So I do.

I whirl around andsee them: Matvey, May. My family. I reach for them.

And they reach back.

Matvey’s hand seizes mine, his grip steel. Without a second’s thought, he yanks me back from the railing, making me topple in his arms. May’s little hands start searching for me immediately, gripping my clothes like they’re never going to let go.

God. What did I almost do?“I’m—” I gasp. “I’m so sorry, Matvey, I didn’t— I wasn’t myself, I wasn’t thinking; I?—”

“Shh,” he croons into my ear. “It’s okay. You’re safe now.”

“I didn’t want to do it,” I cry helplessly. “I wouldn’t— I’d never?—”

I can feel his entire body tremble against mine. Is it rage? Fear? Passion? Somehow, it feels like all three at once. “Promise me, then. Never again.”

I nod into the crook of his neck. “Never again.”

Slowly, I let myself take it all in: the warmth of Matvey’s arms, the soft cooing of my baby between us. What I almost lost for good.

Safe.

For the first time in months, it feels like the truth.

30

APRIL

I spend all night being cradled by those arms. I’ve never been held tighter in my life. Until now, no one’s ever been afraid of losing me.

No one except Matvey.

But maybe that’s not entirely fair. I do have people who care about me. And lately, all I’ve done is force them to walk on eggshells.

That needs to change.

Promise me. Never again.

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