Page 177 of Cashmere Ruin

I didn’t join him then. I thought I could sweep this under the rug and still stay by your side. Instead, I asked for only one thing in return:Do not tell him.

How naïve I was.

The lie caught up to me. I didn’t cover my tracks well enough: soon, Ivan realized something was wrong with the logs. That someone from the inner circle was selling information to the enemy. He asked me to tell you. He thought it’d be better coming from me. Maybe this would finally push you into action.

He didn’t know he was signing his death sentence.

I never wanted to lie to you, Matvey. Until then, I hadn’t. I was guilty of omission, but that was where it ended. Even when I hid April away, I did my best to avoid it.

That day, I lied.

I lied to your face. I brought you the information because Ivan gave me no other choice, but I couldn’t tell you it was me. Instead, I let you suspect everyone around you.

And then Ivan lost his patience.

When you killed him, I hoped the truth would die with him. But you kept searching. You found Anatoly. And I knew it was only a matter of time before he talked.

I should have killed him while I had the chance.

When you sent me off that last day, I didn’t follow Vlad. I followedyou.I needed to know what you knew.

Then you went to the warehouse.

I knew then I had to make a choice. And this time, it wasn’t just my life on the line.

It was my family’s.

So I don’t care what you think of me. I don’t care if I’ve become a monster. I don’t care if you understand why I did it.

Because the truth is, I did.

Every word out of Yuri’s mouth fills me with horror. The past few months come flashing in front of my eyes: the lies, the betrayals, the changes.

That’s when I realize something else.

I can’t remember the last time Yuri called me “brother.”

When did it stop? When? I rack my brain for an answer and come up short. When did this nightmare begin? When did myYurabecome this stranger in front of me?

After the failed wedding, something inside me whispers.Think back. Remember.

Yes. It all started then.

It’s uncanny how quickly the dominoes fall into place. All it needs is the right push—and Yuri just gave a giant fucking shove.

Once.Only once did he call me his brother after that: the day he begged me to save Petra.

To use you. To manipulate you.

I slam my fist on the table and hear the wood crack. “You filthy traitor.”

“Don’t make a scene,” Yuri warns me. “We’re not done talking.”

“Yes, we are.”

“No, we’re not. So stay put or I’m gonna have to make you.”

The worst of it, though? I fuckingknewit. I knew he was acting strangely. The guilty looks, the sneaking around, the reluctance to so much as meet my eyes. I chalked it all up to his clandestine relationship with Petra because it was convenient, but fuck me, I should’ve kept looking.

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