Page 161 of Cashmere Ruin

So I break it the only way I can. “I’m sorry. For what happened the other day.”

Charlie swallows. “I-I know. April said you didn’t mean to…”

April.Even when she’s not present, here she is, defending the worst of me. “I didn’t mean to put him in the hospital,” I agree. “I did mean to punch him, though. I won’t apologize for that. But I never wanted you to see it, Charlie. Never.”

He gives a weak nod. “It was scary, seeing you like that. It was like you weren’t there. I thought you were gonna…” He doesn’tfinish that sentence, but I can damn well fill in the rest.Kill him.“It reminded me of him a little bit. My dad.”

That cuts deep. Not just because of my pride, but because of my family. Did I really show April such an ugly side of me? Did I remind herof Tom, too?

No wonder she was so furious with me. So heartbroken.

“It was one of my worst moments,” I say. “I wasn’t always a good man. Even now, I’m not sure you’d call me that. But since I met your sister… I’ve been trying to do better. Iwantto do better. And I want to be better for you, too.” I look him straight in the eye. “Will you give me another chance?”

Charlie blinks. He seems surprised by my words. The rawness of them. It must be a new experience for him, seeing an adult own up to his mistakes. “Okay.”

“Okay,” I repeat.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Of course. Shoot.”

“What happened the other day?” he asks. “Why did you guys start fighting like that?”

Ah.There it is.

“What did April tell you?”

“Not much,” he mumbles. “Just that things got out of hand. But I still don’t understand what was going on.”

“Your dad…” I start. “He was saying some things.Doingsome things that…” Just the memory’s enough to make my blood boil again, but I force myself to push through it. Charlie’s blamelessin this. I won’t taint his father’s image in his eyes. “They were inexcusable. But so was I.”

“What things?” he presses. “I only caught a few words, but I couldn’t really tell what April and Dad were talking about. It sounded like they were arguing.”

“They were,” I confirm. “I didn’t get there myself until the very end, but by the time I got there, it wasn’t just an argument anymore. Your father was calling your sister some very nasty names. And then…” I grit my teeth. I don’t want to ruin whatever scrap of relationship this boy has with his dad, but like fuck am I going to cover for Tom of all people. And yet, at the same time, the thought of shoving the worst of his dad—the worst any man is capable of—in Charlie’s face is more than I can bear. Out of anyone in this situation, he’s the one true innocent. “He had his hands on her,” I say in the end. “And I wasn’t going to stand for that.”

Charlie’s eyes widen in understanding. “He was trying to beat her up again?”

Among other things.“Yes.”

His face darkens. “She didn’t tell me that.”

“She probably didn’t want to get between you and your dad,” I suggest. “She was trying to protect you. Him, too, I suppose.”

“Yeah, she’s always doing that,” he mutters. “Trying to protect all of us. Even the ones who don’t deserve it.”

“Youdeserve it,” I cut in. “Of all people, you deserved to be kept safe from him. He gave you a black eye, Charlie.”

“You gave him two.”

I grimace. Of course a simple apology wasn’t going to make up for putting his father in the goddamn hospital. That’s just the first step in earning a person’s forgiveness. Unless I follow it up with action, it will mean nothing.

“That’s fair. I deserved that.”

“Sorry,” he winces. “I didn’t mean to get snappy.”

“You have every right to.” I put my hand on his shoulder. There’s a slight flinch in his frame as I draw near, and it breaks my goddamn heart.

I did this. I made him afraid of me.

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