Page 141 of Cashmere Ruin

Never, ever again.

“Careful now,” Eleanor hisses, all pleasantries forgotten.

“Maybe it’s you who should be careful,” I retort. “You’re the one who came here wanting something.”

“You’re always like this,” she spits. “Always bitter and ungrateful. Do you have any idea what sacrifices I’ve had to make to raise you?”

“I’m sure you’re about to remind me.”

“I had dreams, too, you know!” she snaps. “You’re not the only one who wanted to make something of herself!”

Here we go. Nothing like Eleanor’s good old guilt-tripping speeches to turn a nice day around.

“Look, Mom,” I sigh, trying to defuse the tension. “I’m sorry you had a hard life. I’m sorry you couldn’t?—”

“Because of you!” she screeches, ignoring my peace offerings completely. “I had a hard life because ofyou! Because I got pregnant with you!”

“That’s funny,” I say without a trace of laughter. “Because I got pregnant, too, but I never blamed my failings on my daughter.”

“Hah! Yourdaughter,” she repeats in a mocking tone. “God fucking help her.”

“Why? Are you going to try to extort her, too?”

“Because you’re a selfish bitch,” she seethes. “You can’t even be a good daughter. How could you possibly make a good mother?”

Once, her words would’ve stuck in me like knives.

Once, I would’ve cared too much for my own good, unable to let go.

But I’m not the person I was. “Once” doesn’t apply to me anymore. Thanks to Dr. Knox—and Matvey, and Petra, and Elias, and Yuri, and Grisha, and a million others—I finally started to unravel the mess inside of me—the mess my parents made of me. And my own mess, too, the parts I can’t blame on anyone else.

And thanks to my family, I’m no longer looking for crumbs.

“Thanks for coming by, Mom. You can show yourself out.”

“So that’s it? You don’t even care?”

“I care about as much as you do,” I say calmly. “If that’s not to your liking, you can shout at a mirror next.”

“You…!”

“Me,” I agree with a smile. “Now, goodbye, you.”

She grits her teeth so hard, I hear it. “This isn’t over.”

“Oh, it is. And you know why?” I take one step forward, then another. With every move, Eleanor’s forced to back away. “Because next time, the guards will know not to let you up. They’ll know you’re not welcome here.”

“I’m your family!”

“No, Mom, you’re not. And you’re no family of May, either. You’re just a stranger to both of us.”

This time, I don’t slam the door in her face.

I shut it with a calm, gentleclick.

43

APRIL

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