Page 99 of Cashmere Ruin

“Okay,” she smiles. “Then let’s make that appointment.”

We figure out a schedule for the next couple of months. “Any homework for next time?” I joke, trying to lighten the mood.

To my surprise, Dr. Knox says yes. “One: keep bonding with your baby. You had a great relationship before all this—try to get itback. If she’s as empathetic as you say, it’s possible she might have picked up on your distress long before you did, and that’s why she’s been behaving oddly. Make her understand you’re on your way to recovery.”

“Okay,” I whisper.

“Two: keep an eye on that boyfriend of yours. I understand he’s trying to do better, but he’s got a history of toxic behaviors. If any of that pops up again, call him out. Okay?”

“I will.”

A smile. “Three: focus on positive, constructive activities. You’re a designer and a seamstress, right? So go wild. Create for the sake of creating.”

That catches me off-guard. “I… Okay. I’ll do that.”

“Good. Then I’ll see you next week. Take care of yourself, April. We can’t care for those around us unless we do that first.”

After she’s gone, it takes me a full ten minutes to process everything that’s just happened. I feel drained, but in a strangely good way, like after the gym.

Still, it was a lot.

Once I’ve got my bearings, I text Matvey that it’s okay to come back. No doubt, Grisha’s already done it, but it’s about more than that.

It’s about trust.

Then, while I wait for Matvey to come home, my gaze falls to the covered Daphne dress.

Create.Doctor’s orders.

I pull off the drape and get to work.

31

MATVEY

I almost lost her.

That’s the thought that keeps pounding in my head. Not “my Bratva’s in shambles,” or “Ivan is dead.” Because the truth is, none of that matters.

Not if I don’t haveher.

It was one hell of a wake-up call. I wish I hadn’t needed it. I wish I’d been awake from the start, not so fucking blind. My flaws, my mistakes—they almost cost me everything.

They almost cost me April.

When that doctor told me to get out, I wanted to rip into her. After that night, I’d told myself nothing and no one could ever pry me away from my woman again.

And then April said,Trust me.

So I did.

It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Even now, it takes everything out of me and then some.

Trust. It means having no control, and I hate that. All this power, and what’s it good for? What’s the use if it can’t protect the ones closest to me? If it leaves me so fuckingexposed?

Every day, it takes everything out of me.

But I do it anyway.

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