Page 77 of Cashmere Ruin

I sigh and go back to work. “Thanks for rushing over. I don’t know what was wrong with her. She just kept screaming.”

“Welcome to parenthood, dear.”

“Silly me. I thought I’d been doing that for two months already.”

“That was honeymoon parenthood,” she declares. “This isrealparenthood, where babies scream for no reason and always have dirty diapers. Get used to it, Mommy.”

Mommy. I don’t know why the word jars against my ears, but it does, like tiny nails on a chalkboard. “Mm.”

June switches to peekaboo. Mr. Buttons flicks his tail with disinterest. I get back to work on the Daphne dress. If I want to have anything to submit for the contest that isn’t a pile of haphazardly sewn fabrics, I have to speed up the process.

Easier said than done. Not only is the piece ridiculously elaborate—thanks, Past Me—but also, my focus is all over the place. I’m so scattered, I have to redo the same leaf four times. And that’s only so far.

“I’m sorry. You were probably busy, too…”

“Where’s that coming from?” June laughs. “Of course I’m busy. That doesn’t mean I can’t make time for my two favorite girls in the world.”

“Meow.”

“Andmy favorite boy.”

I shake my head at Mr. Buttons piping up. “Ruffian. He’s been hiding under the couch all day. He loves playing babysitter until there’s actual sitting to do.”

“Really? I thought he’d be very good at sitting.”

“Yeah, sittingaround.” I poke myself with a pin.Crap. Can’t get blood on this ivory lace. “Band-Aids, Band-Aids, where did I put the Band-Aids…”

I throw the kitchen into chaos looking for the first-aid kit. When I finally find what I’m looking for, I slap one on without even disinfecting the spot. Can’t waste time; need to get this done, need to…

A hand comes down on my wrist. “Are you okay?”

My head snaps back to June. “I— Of course. Why wouldn’t I be?”

She doesn’t answer my question. Instead, after a moment’s pause, she asks another one. “How are things between you and Matvey?”

“How… what?”

June bites her lip, suddenly uneasy. “It’s just—you don’t seem happy. You used to be, but then… I guess I’m just asking if he’s been treating you alright.”

Can I answer for the past twelve hours alone?“It’s… complicated.”

She gives a tight nod. “I see.”

“It’s nothing bad, just?—”

“Come back to the apartment.”

I blink. “Sorry?”

“Come back,” June repeats, scooting over to me on the floor. She takes my hands and fixes the Band-Aid as she goes, so natural I almost miss it. “I can handle a screaming baby. Hell, I’ll handle an army of them. But I can’t see you like this, Apes. I can’t.”

Come back.It’s so tempting. Just for a second, I let myself think about it: walking back into my old apartment, getting my old life back. Without any of the luxury or the silences. I could talkMatvey into joint custody, let him put guards at the door for protection, whatever satisfies his need for control. I could?—

And when Carmine comes for your best friend? Will it have been worth it?

I could never. I can’t put June’s life in danger. And it doesn’t matter how bad of a mother I am—I can’t put my baby in danger, either. Not again.

So I hug my best friend and shake my head. “Thanks. But it’s nothing that serious. I’m just tired from work.”

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