Page 61 of Cashmere Ruin

Kissed?Pretty much everywhere but on the cheek. But the rest? “I don’t know about the ‘made up’ part,” I confess.

She frowns. “What does that even mean? You’re just having hate sex all over the furniture?” I must blush to the tip of my ears, because Petra’s face instantly grows horrified. “Ew, ew, ew! I didnotwant to know that!”

“Then don’t ask!” I blush harder. “And keep still, or I’ll have to start over!”

That threat seems to have the desired effect. “Fine. But I still don’t get it. When I told him to treat you better, I didn’t mean go back to being fuck buddies. Or is it fuck enemies now?”

“Wait a second—you told himwhat?”

“To be fair, I just pointed out that he was being more of an asshole to you than to me. I have no idea why he decided to make it about sex.”

“Maybe he didn’t,” I try. “Maybe it just… happened.”

“Maybe. But he still could’ve thrown in an apology.”

I force myself not to speak the words crowding my head:He’s right not to. I don’t deserve it.“It’s complicated,” I sigh instead.

“‘Complicated,’” Petra scoffs. “Can’t relate.”

“I’m sorry, Mrs. ‘Accidentally Got Myself Pregnant By My Fiancé’s Brother’? What is it you can’t relate to?”

“That’s situationally complicated,” she objects. “Everything else is pretty straightforward, really.”

“Is this where you confess to me that you and Yuri are secretly a super vanilla couple?”

God, it’s so weird to be thinking of themlike that. The images alone make me wish I could scrub my brain with bath salts.

“Nope,” Petra says proudly. It’s already more than I wanted to know, but that’s on me. By now, I should know better than to ask questions I don’t want the answers to. “It’s just… he brings me breakfast in bed.”

I almost poke her with another pin. “I’m sorry, what?”

Suddenly, it’s Petra’s turn to flush strawberry red. “I’m just saying—he takes care of me. He likes being around me. He…lovesme.” She says that last part like it’s something incomprehensible. “And because he loves me, he acts like it.”

“Rub it in a little more, why don’t you?”

“I wasn’t trying to ‘rub it in,’” she air-quotes. “Just explaining what I meant.”

“Funnily enough, I’m still missing that part.”

She rolls her eyes like I’m a toddler. “If Matvey hates you, why is he still with you? And if he loves you, why hasn’t he forgiven you?”

For a long time, I just stare at the fabric in my hands. If I’m being honest, I’ve been trying to wrap my head around that exact same question.

But then again, I’m the same, aren’t I? Ihatehim. I hate his stupid face and his stupid Bratva and his stupid talk of “blood, blood, blood.”

And then his hands are on me, and I just can’tthink.

Like I said: it’s complicated.

“Can we talk about something simpler? Like the meaning of the universe?”

“Sure. How about the concept behind this dress?” Petra suggests, frowning down hard at my work-in-progress creation. “Why am I covered in leaves? Is this an Adam and Eve situation?”

“Apollo and Daphne,” I correct. “Charlie gave me the idea.”

“As in, your teenage brother Charlie?”

“Apparently, he’s really into mythology. Go figure.”

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