Page 203 of Cashmere Ruin

Because I can’t lose him.

“Matvey…” I whisper brokenly. “Matvey! MATVEY!”

Carmine’s men hold me back. I barely even feel them—like a banshee, I keep throwing myself forward and screaming. Wailing with a kind of pain they cannot possibly understand.

Until two seconds ago, I didn’t think I could, either.

“Will someone keep that bitch quiet?” Vlad spits from his podium of traitors.

“April,” Petra murmurs, “you need to calm down. There’s nothing we can do. He made his choice.”

But her words fall on deaf ears. “No,” I keep chanting over and over. “No, no, Matvey, you can’t—YOU CAN’T!”

With one last push, I free myself from the guards. I run like a woman possessed. Yuri looks at me like I’ve gone crazy, but it’s not me who’s done that. It’shim. “How could you do this?!” I yell. “He’s your brother! You’re killing him! HOW COULD YOU DO THIS?!”

I can hear the symphony of guns clicking all around me, bullets waiting in their chambers, ready to strike me down. But for once, I don’t care. I keep yelling, clawing at Yuri like he’s the only thing standing between me and Matvey, even though I know it’s not that simple. Even though he isn’t lifting a single finger to defend himself.

Even though?—

He’s the one who just saved your life.

But what good is my life if Matvey can’t be a part of it?

“Traitor!” I scream, oblivious to Carmine’s hand slowly rising to signal his men. Nothing can snap me out of my frenzy—nothing,nothing.“Traitor, traitor, TRAITOR?—”

“Let me.”

Except that voice.

The guns go still. Carmine’s palm, too, one move shy from spelling my doom. “Fine. But make it quick.”

Then he motions for Yuri to step aside.

“April.” Matvey kneels down with me. His hands are free now, but he isn’t making a single move to run. Why? “Thank you. But you need to stand down now.”

“No,” I croak.

“Yes,” he insists, though gently. Without a single trace of force in his voice. It’s like, for the first time, I’m speaking to a version of Matvey who’s at peace.

Problem is,I’mnot. I’m at war with the world. I am hatred and fury and a single selfish wish:Take me with you.

“I can’t.”

“Yes, you can. You will.”

“I won’t?—”

“For our daughter.”

Our daughter.That’s right. I have a daughter. I…

I lift up my gaze. The bundle in Carmine’s arms is stirring, trying to fight whatever potion he’s given her. Trying to reach me.

Finally, the fog clears. “For our daughter,” I murmur back.

“Yes. She’ll need you,” Matvey continues to speak into my ear, low and gentle. “More than ever now.”

“It’s not fair,” I sob.

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