Page 176 of Cashmere Ruin

I don’t know how he found me. My guess is the same way he found April: he was keeping tabs on lab reports, anything tied to your name or hers. Maybe he was always going to call.

When he told me who he was, I was ready to hang up. I told him to stay the fuck away from me. Fromus.

But there was no “us.”

See, your research was right… up to a point. Carmine did have a relationship with my mother.

But by then, she already had a child.

Her husband had died, she said, of sickness. The same sickness that took everyone back then: cold, hunger, poverty. She needed protection, and he needed somewhere to lay low.

Then they parted ways.

I don’t know if it was before the sickness or after. My memories are fuzzy, and I doubt he’d tell me the truth if it didn’t serve his purposes. I’m not stupid.

But he was telling the truth on one thing.

I didn’t believe him, of course, so I sought the answer for myself. I swiped a few strands of hair from one of your jackets, ran the test again, then ran a new one. Not between you and April’s child—between you and me.

Can you guess what it said?

All my life, I’d thought I had one thing: a brother. A brother who was my hero, who saved me from the snow and helped me make something of myself. Who gave me a real shot at life.

But I didn’t.

At first, I didn’t care. So what if we weren’t actually related? We were brothers in everything that mattered. We grew up together, came here together, built our empire together. Surely one piece of paper couldn’t change that?

And yet, I knew it would.

Because there was nothing you trusted more than blood.

So when Carmine called again, I answered.

He told me what would happen to me if you found out. That you’d be disgusted with me, get rid of me the first chance you got. I argued viciously, but I couldn’t bury my head in the sand forever. The more I denied them, the more Carmine’s grim words made sense.

You trusted me because I was your brother. And now, I wasn’t. I was just a nobody who knew too much.

I was so scared you’d kill me.

But Carmine said he didn’t mind that I wasn’t his biological son. He was in the market for a successor. As long as I played my part, he would welcome me with open arms.

I felt so sick, I threw up then and there.

I hung up without giving him an answer. He said it was fine; he could wait. He’d need a favor soon. I could give him my answer then.

I was torn up inside. I didn’t know what to do. I wanted to tell you, but I was terrified. What if I lost you? What if I lost more than you?

I hoped you’d change your mind. That April would change it.

But your mind wasn’t changing at all. Even with her in the mix, you were adamant: blood was the only thing that mattered. Without that, there was nothing.

Then Carmine called in that favor. You were planning a war against him, and he wanted to know where you’d strike. To cut off your legs before the start of the race.

He wanted the D.C. acquisition.

So I gave it to him.

I had no other choice. I was terrified out of my mind. I wanted to be loyal, but I didn’t want to die.

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