Page 185 of Cashmere Cruelty

Dawn comes far too quickly. I haven’t closed my eyes all night, but that’s fine.

I had something else to look at.

April stirs against the morning light. “Hi there.”

“Hi.”

She blinks all the way awake and gives me a cheeky grin. “What’s with that face? What are you thinking about?”

“Everything.”

It’s the truth. All night, I’ve done nothing but think: about April, our child… and us.

We’re going to be parents soon.It’s taken a while to sink in, but finally, it has: in a week’s time, we’re going to meet our baby. In a week’s time, April will be a mother.

And I’ll be a father.

“That’s a lot of thoughts,” she teases. “Couldn’t be me. It’s far too early.”

“Is it?” I rasp. “Because I’ve been thinking the opposite.”

“What’s that?”

“That I’ve gotten here far too late.”

I’ve never been this liberal with my words. If I can avoid speaking at all, I do. I’ve trained my men to respond to one glance, one gesture from me.

But with April, I want to say it all.

As I let my hand trail over her belly, I want to say she doesn’t have to do this alone. That I don’twanther to do this alone. Not anymore.

I don’t want to just be there for dinner. Instead, I want to betherefor her. Forthem.The family we’re about to become.

Ever since that cursed break-in, I’ve been swallowing my words. My fear. The one thing apakhanshould never allow himself to feel.

But I can admit it now: I was terrified.

When it comes to April—when it comes toour child—I remember what it’s like to fear. I remember what it’s like to hold something so dear, you’d do anything to protect it. Anything at all.

And I remember something else, too.

“Matvey?” April asks, her hand finding my face.

I grasp it in mine. Then, of all the words I want to say to her, I pick three.

“I love you.”

It comes out naturally. Like I never thought it would again.

“Don’t say that,” April whispers, eyes shining and smile wavering. “Don’t say it if you don’t mean it.”

“I mean it.”

I flip her on her back. Like this, spread out under me, hair fanned around her head and cheeks flushed pink, she looks every bit like a flower.

“You asked me why I called off the wedding. This is why.”

“But your dream?—”

---