Page 164 of Cashmere Cruelty

“Thevory,” I answer immediately. “They’ve been pushing back against me all this time. Now, my blood’s in the water.”

“So we can’t let them smell weakness,” Petra completes for me.

Thisis the Petra Solovyova I struck an alliance with: cunning, vicious, straight to the point. Above all, practical.

I don’t need the screaming fiancé—I need the fierce fucking warrior.

“We should go ahead with the wedding.”

I do a double-take. “Come fucking again?”

“Think,” Petra urges, calculations all but running in her eyes. “A wedding’s a show of strength. Unity. Most of all, it will double your ranks. With that kind of power at your fingertips, thevorywon’t dare question you. It won’t just be about fear—it’ll be about respect. You’re going to give them the biggest win they’ve ever seen; why would anyone move against you then?”

I thought she was speaking nonsense. But the more she explains, the more her plan makes sense. Right now, what matters most is buying time. Time to regroup, rethink, react. And our wedding would buy that in spades.

So why do I feel like it’s the last thing I want to do?

“It won’t work,” I hear myself saying. “It’s not enough. Besides, we need to actually solve the D.C. problem first.”

“No, not enough—but you just said the priority were thevory,” Petra argues. “Isn’t D.C. the long game? So why—” Then she stops. “Oh.Oh.You just don’t want to do it.”

“I don’t want to what, Petra?”

“You don’t want to get married,” she says, stunned. “You’ve changed your mind, haven’t you?”

I open my mouth to deny it. To reject the insinuation with every fiber of my being. I’m a goddamn machine; there is nothing I won’t do to achieve my goals.

So why can’t I say it?

My mind fills with images: April, rubbing the sleep from her face. April, smiling at me from the kitchen. April, looking up from her plate with a different kind of hunger in her eyes.

April, moaning my name in bed this morning.

I’ve been telling myself it was about the kid. All along, I’ve been telling myself that.

And, all along, I’ve been lying.

Because it stopped being about the kid a long time ago. That child is my family, myblood, but April?—

April’s something, too. And I’m tired of pretending she’s not.

As if reading my mind, Petra’s expression turns horrified. “Blyat’, it’s because of her.”

“That’s nonsense.”

“No, it’s not. It’s the only thing that makes sense. You were perfectly willing to go through with this before, and now, you’re not—so what changed?”

“Petra, I’m warning you?—”

“Warn me all you like,” she says, still sounding dazed. “She’s the only thing that’s changed. She changedyou.”

I grit my teeth. “Like fuck she did.”

“Like fuck she didn’t!” Petra yells at last. “Look at you!”

“Petra—”

“You stillsmell like her!”

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