Page 144 of Cashmere Cruelty

I wince. I already know what he’s frowning at: a spread of takeout foods with no rhyme or reason, from pizza to noodles to sushi rolls. “Do I need to call Dr. Allan back?” he asks, but there’s an amused lilt to it. “Get you checked for tapeworms?”

Finally, my smile turns real. “Petra,” I explain simply.

Matvey nods. “Yeah. That tracks.”

“It does?”

“She’s got weird ways to show she cares.” He hangs his jacket and loosens his tie. “Like a cat.”

“Do I need to worry?” I joke. “Is she gonna leave dead things on my pillow for me to find?”

“She hasn’t already?”

I bite my cheek. Now,this—this is what family dinner’s supposed to be all about. Bantering, messing around. Sharing secret smiles over stupid jokes.

I take a few steps towards Matvey. My hands find his tie, slipping it free. “She’s not the only one, you know.”

Matvey’s throat bobs. “The only one?”

“Who’s got weird ways to show they care.”

Kiss me, I tell him with my eyes.Show me you care.

But he doesn’t.

“We should eat.” He clears his throat. “Food’s gonna go cold.”

I let my hands fall. “Yeah. Let’s.”

For the first time since this little ritual began, we spend it in silence. There’s the clinking sound of cutlery and chopsticks, the bubbling of water and wine. But nothing else. No jokes, no laughter, no glances.

Look at me, I beg the whole time inside my mind.Stop pretending I’m not here. Just tell me what I did wrong. I’ll fix it, I promise. I’ll do my best.

Just lookat me!

But he doesn’t.

I’ve been staring at the ceiling for the past two hours.

“What’s wrong, Nugget?” I mutter into the darkness, a hand on my belly. “Why can’t you sleep?”

Of course, it’s not Nugget. My baby’s curled up and cozy, and I bet it wants nothing more than for its mommy to stop tossing and turning so we can both get some quality rest.

But no matter what I do, I just can’t close my eyes. The silence. The loneliness. It all feels too familiar.

Snap out of it, I order myself.This isn’t like back then. I’m not…

Not what? A guest? A nuisance?

Unwanted?

Then, suddenly, there’s a noise in the kitchen.

I stretch my ears. For a second, I’m terrified.Are the masked men back?

Reflexively, I pat the space next to me. The space Matvey slept in last night, holding me close until morning.

Now, it’s empty.

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