Page 214 of Cashmere Cruelty

I’m going to meet my baby.

And then…

I do.

It’s everything I’ve ever dreamed of.

I’m spent, stitched up, bloodied from head to toe—thatpart’s nothing like my childhood dreams. No one ever tells you about that in bedtime stories: how bloody the whole affair is.

But there’s one thing they got right.

In the end, it’s all worth it.

The second they put my child into my arms, I know. “You’re perfect,” I whisper to the bundle. “God, you’re so perfect.”

That’s when I know something else, too: I won’t let history repeat itself.

“You deserve better,” I murmur, lips pressed to my baby’s head. “You deserve so much better than what I’ve had.”

All my life, I’ve been living with one foot out the door, ready to bolt. Not because I didn’t want to be there—but because I never knew when the people around me would be finally done with me.

I’ve grown up unwanted. But I won’t let my child suffer the same fate. Walking on eggshells, stomach in knots, the constant feeling of not being good enough always in the room with you.

A divided family.

A divided life.

A divided father.

My child deserves better than that.

So, with my sleeping baby wrapped up in my arms, I pick up my phone and make a call to give my baby what I never had.

Even if it breaks my heart to do it.

68

MATVEY

April’s giving birth.

That’s the first text I see when I turn my phone back on. Along with a sea of missed calls.

Suddenly, it’s like the world is spinning. Giving birth? No, that can’t be—she was supposed to be induced. She was supposed to…

Idiot, I kick myself.Did you really think it would be that simple? That having a child would be so neat and easy?

I’m the biggest fucking moron to ever walk the earth. Of course things wouldn’t be that simple; of course they wouldn’t follow a goddamn script, especially with a child in the mix.

Some father I’m shaping up to be.

The rest of the texts are more of the same.

Her water broke. She’s being rushed to the hospital.

She insisted on a cab. I wasn’t sure you’d approve, but then again, you did take all the cars.

Matvey, pick up. She’s in labor right now.

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