Page 74 of Mended Hearts

“Where’s your mom?” I ask, looking past him, not seeing any evidence of how he arrived.

“I had the Uber drop her off at the hotel before bringing me here. I figured I was safe to drive my truck back the couple miles away it is.” That makes sense. I’m sure his poor mother needs rest after flying here and being at the hospital with him. I just hope she’s up for the return drive to Oklahoma.

“Okay. Well, I packed your clothes. Everything else, I can ship to you.”

“I appreciate you doing that.” He finally looks up and my heart cracks a little at the shame filling his features. “Sorry for the mess you had to clean up.” Brian inspects his surroundings and then stops on his pile of belongings. His hand becomes shaky, trying to keep his cane from wobbling beneath him.

“Umm, actually, I didn’t have to clean anything up.”

His eyes finally reach mine and well up with tears. “But I know I left this place in shambles. I wasn’t that out of it.”

“I have a strong feeling Dustin made sure to clean it up,” I admit.

He snorts. “Sounds about right. He’s always cleaning up my messes.”

I want to smile at the admission, but I’m not sure how he’s meaning it.

“How about I take this stuff to your truck, and you run to the back and grab your boots I forgot.” I grab his keys that are hanging on the wall and head out the door with a couple of his bags. A few trips later, I’m back inside and he still hasn’t made it back with his boots. I begin to walk to the master bedroom, but the sobs at the end of the hall stop me in my tracks. Before,I would’ve run back there without hesitation. Now I question if that’s still my responsibility.

I pace back and forth, searching for the answer. It’s so hard for me to leave people hanging when they need it the most. I decide to step in, but from a distance. I peek in the cracked door, seeing him sit on the edge of the bed. I slowly open it and ease my way in, then lean against the entrance. This is me loving him from a distance.

“I just hope you can forgive me one day.” He sniffles.

“I do forgive you, Brian.” I cross my arms, refusing to comfort him. “Now you need to forgive yourself.”

“I’m not sure about that one. How can I forgive myself for being a horrible person?” He huffs.

I don’t downplay the situation. I don’t try to make him feel better about himself. I don’t counter him by saying he’s not a horrible person. What he did was pretty horrible and if I attempt to lessen the impact of it all, it won’t bring justice to what I endured, nor will it bring restoration to Brian. Neither of us wins if I try to lessen the blow.

“You forgive yourself when you realize you won’t heal properly without doing so.” I lean my head back and close my eyes, thinking about forgiveness and how freeing it can be. “You forgive yourself because you’re choosing to put yourself first and find who you are and what your new purpose in life is.”

“But what if I no longer have a purpose?”

“I believe those who suffer the most have the greatest purpose of all. They just have to be willing to serve it.” I want to tell him that this situation restored my relationship with my father and seemed to have done the same between Dustin and my dad. But I don’t think Brian would find comfort in that, so I keep it to myself.

“Yeah, I suppose you’re right.” He wipes his face, grabs his boots with one hand, and then wraps his other around his cane,pushing himself off the bed. I watch him as he walks toward me and take in how frail he appears. All the pills and drinking have not only wreaked havoc on his mind, but also his body and overall health. Brian stops right beside me as he’s passing through the doorway. He stands still and quiet momentarily, collecting his words. “I’m going to make you proud.” His dark brown eyes find mine and hold them, begging me to believe him. I do.

“I know you will, Brian.” I smile. It’s weak and he doesn’t deserve it, but I hope he knows it’s sincere. Sometimes knowing that the people we love believe in us gives us enough confidence to believe in ourselves. And I refuse to rob him of that when he could be holding on by threads as is.

“Goodbye, Echo.” He walks away without another word. I stand like a statue until I hear the front door close behind him, then slide down the wall and let the sorrow of my newfound loss take over.

Chapter Fifty-Two

DUSTIN

Iwalk in through Dax and Lynsie’s back door and make way to where I hear the commotion. I stop in the doorway to the kitchen and lean against the frame. A Braves game is on, and Dylan is fully immersed in it as he eats his cereal. Dax is just standing off to the side, watching my boy.

My boy.

Holy shit, I’m a dad.

Dylan begins yelling at the ump for a shitty call as the batter walks to first. I just snicker from behind, and Dax begins shaking his head in utter disbelief.

Dax walks toward me, and his expressionless face amuses me. It’s something I don’t think I’ve ever witnessed. Dax, being such an animated guy, completely blank.

“Duuuude.” He throws his hands on my shoulders. “That kid right there. He is so you. So you, in fact, I feel like I’m back in our childhood again. Twilight zone, man.”

“I’m sure it’s not that bad.” I laugh at Dax, and then more so at Dylan, who is up in arms at the baseball game.

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