Page 40 of Mended Hearts

A look of disgust washes over his face and I snicker. He mumbles something about me being nasty as he retreats. I catch Brian sitting quietly, looking my way. He received mail, too, and I wonder what his wife had to say to him. He seems to be lost in thought, but his doesn’t put a smile on his face like mine did.

Reality slowly returns, sobering my thoughts. She’s married. Her husband is here. She was just being kind. Checking on me like one would an old friend.An old friend.That is what we had reduced one another to at Dax’s award ceremony. Whatever her reasoning may be, that’s what I have to tell myself. False hope or happiness are things I can’t afford to creep in and cloud my judgment.

The guys start to clear out, heading to bed. All but Brian. Figures. He sits in a chair, leaning back with his legs outstretched, crossed at the ankles. His hands rest in his lap, clasped together as his head rests on the back of the chair. His eyes are closed, and I take the rare moment to assess him. With his naturally tanned skin, black hair, and knowing he’s an Oklahoma boy, I’d venture to say he’s part Native American.

“Where’d you say you were from, Adams?” Brian doesn’t open his eyes or break form, confirming something does indeed have him in deep thought. I’m not sure I like where his thoughtsmight be going as he seems to be attempting to piece together a puzzle.

“I didn’t say.” Before he can prod any further, I gather my stuff and walk away, leaving him alone with his thoughts.

Walking into our shared room, I head up to the bunk bed we also share. For the sake of self-preservation, I’ve made it a point to avoid being around when he talks about his family. I don’t want to hear about something that was supposed to have been mine. Something I feel he doesn’t value the way he should. If I had what he has back at home, I’d be there, not here.

The picture I’ve avoided analyzing catches my eye, and I lean into the bottom bunk for a better look. I stare at Echo longer than I should, imagining she was smiling at me the way she was at the camera. I follow the arm draped around her to Brian. I can’t be mad. I see the appeal. Stark contrast to me…and the very white, blond boy in the family picture. I lean further to get a better look. The door handle jolts, and I jump, hitting my head on the metal bars above me.

“Adams.”

I grab the top of my head and turn to face Lieutenant Mills. “Sir,” I say, dropping my hands and straightening my stance.

“I just received word your team will be sent back out sooner than planned. I’ll give you further orders as I receive them but wanted you to give your team a heads-up.”

“Thank you, sir. I’ll inform them.”

THE NEXT MORNING, we gather our belongings and wait for orders. I pull Echo’s letter out and read over it again even though I can repeat it verbatim. I picture her sitting legs crisscrossed, writing it, scrunching her nose at each word as she second-guessed herself.

I do the unthinkable and grab a piece of paper and quickly write her back.

Echo,

Give me all the words.

Love, D

Chapter Twenty-Six

ECHO

August 2014

Aman of so few words wants me to give him all the words. I walk around the house, trying to think of what to write. Going down memory lane sounds like an awful idea, but as I lie here on my old bedroom floor staring up at the ceiling, all I can think about is the constellation that used to be up there. A faint outline still remains.

Dustin,

I’m not sure I can give them all, but here are some words. I hope they hold you over until I can string together some more.

My parents are selling their old home, so for the last two weeks I’ve been staying here. I offered to fix it up some in an attempt to get it sold quicker. But I’m starting to lose faith that it will help. I’ve taped off every room in this house except formy old one. I just can’t bring myself to do it. I just can’t bring myself to paint over the memories, pretending they never existed. That you never existed.

I sit in here nightly, much like I am right now writing you, leaning against my old broken bed. Then I get pissed that the reason for my bed being broken is gone. Someone stole Orion’s Belt, Dustin, so I need you to buy me another one.

I’m just kidding. I am upset about it, but it’s not your responsibility.

I won’t be here much longer, with school starting back soon. Plus, I’ve taken enough vacation from work. I might come down on some weekends to continue working on the house. It just depends on how busy life gets once I get back to it. I’ve loved being close to Lynsie and Dax again. I don’t really have anyone else I’m close with back in Alabama. But they're not the real reason being here feels… right.

Yet, it doesn't fully feel right without you here.

I would like to say that all of this is making things messy, mudding up feelings. But the only reason it's getting muddy is because the feelings have never went away. They've just been hidden and are now being unearthed.

Maybe I shouldn't be telling you these things with the situation, but feel that with the distance it's safe to just be honest with you and hopefully work all this inner turmoil out. I can't help but still feel drawn to you. You've always been my safe place. And I've missed you terribly.

Love, E

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