Page 64 of Mended Hearts

“I don’t know what I want.” She shrugs, looking back up. I can see the defeat in her eyes even though she tries to hide it. She’s carrying so much and all I want to do is lighten the load. “All I know is I can’t go on living like you don’t exist.”

I slide my arm past her, leaning in close as I do. She sucks in a breath, eyeing me as I inch closer. She’s vulnerable. I’m sure she’d let me push the limits. But that’s exactly why I don’t.

“It’s getting late. You need to hit the road. I’ll lock up the house.” I lift the handle up, pulling the door open for her.

She slowly crawls in and buckles. It takes every ounce of restraint for me not to yank her out of this car and hold her. “Bye, Dustin.” Her voice cracks and her eyes begin to water. And I shut the door before I lose all resolve. I watch the woman I love drive away and I want to burn this town down. I didn’t even get to spend two full days with her, and I’m left feeling as if all the oxygen is being squeezed from my lungs. I shouldn’t have let her go, yet I told her to.

Chapter Forty-Two

DUSTIN

Iwalk inside and work my way from the back of the house to the front, shutting off lights and making sure all messes are cleaned up for the slight chance someone schedules a viewing. I walk into the office area and tug the string to let the blinds down. A notepad with familiar penmanship filling the page sits in the middle and I envision Echo sitting at the desk as she wrote me my first letter with crumpled pages surrounding her on the floor.

While it doesn’t look addressed to anyone, I don’t want it to be left out for anyone to read. I round the desk and pull open the middle drawer. The big capital lettered words catch my eye, and I can’t look away. I slowly sit in the chair, second-guessing my actions.

THIRTEEN YEARS AGO, I fell in love with a boy. All it took was one sideways grin, with his perfectly dimpled cheek, for me to know I was a goner. My days and nights were consumed by him—if not physically, he was there mentally—always onmy mind. I loved him with everything within me. The love we shared was the kind romance novels were made of.

In the blink of an eye, the boy I loved was ripped from me. My overly religious parents didn’t like their daughter falling in love. It was simply unacceptable to them when I was supposed to be focusing on God, school, my future in softball; nothing else.But he was my future, and I came back for him.

I was barely showing when I showed up on his porch, looking for him. It wasn’t easy getting back to Georgia from Oklahoma, but I hoped I made it before he took off for college. I knew he was excited about all the scholarship offers he was receiving. His distraught mother informed me of his enlistment and all hope I had vanished. My heart shattered as I realized the dreams I had for our family would never see the light of day.

Eighteen, pregnant, and with no other option, I decided to take a friend up on his offer. A friend who took me under his wing back when I was in third grade. It was through our agreement I realized the different types of love. He was everything I needed when I had nothing. I love him for the life he brought me when every option Ihad was filled with uncertainty. I will forever be in his debt.

THIRTEEN YEARS LATER, I ran into the boy I had lost, yet he’s no longer a boy. He’s a man. A deeply wounded man. Even though his flesh on the outside is still fully intact, nothing compares to the scars and pain he’s carried around on the inside for so long.

THIRTEEN YEARS LATER, and I still have the same feelings for him…but they seem more intense. Was my first love my one true love? Now that he’s reappeared in my life, my thoughts are consumed by him. But now they are paralleled with guilt. I love two men, but I love them differently. And, as of right now, I only know one for sure loves me back.

I’m caught between what’s wrong and what’s right…what’s fair and what’s unfair. I know what my heart wants, but is what it wants what’s right? Feelings can cloud moral judgment. I don’t want what I feel to take over what I know to be right. But I’m having a hard time sorting out the differences. I’m walking an emotion-packed tightrope, and I know I’m going to fall. I’m just unsure who’s going to catch me.

I have a child. Her son is mine.

I’m a father.

Tears stream down my face as regret slams into me. I was such a dick to her. She tried telling me I have a son, and my mind took the whole thing south. Way south. I don’t deserve her, and I pushed her back to the man who’s been holding my place, playing daddy. I rip the paper from the notepad and fold it up. Holding the words to my heart, I vow to fix this. No matter how long it takes. Time no longer holds any bearings.

I’ve already gone thirteen years.

I’d go an eternity.

Chapter Forty-Three

ECHO

Driving away from Dustin is the hardest and easiest thing to do. What I still feel for him after all these years scares me. There’s so much at stake that I don’t want to make the wrong choice. I don’t want to be responsible for inflicting pain on anyone but feel that’s inevitable. So for now, I need to focus on being a supportive wife and being a present mother.

Above all, Dylan is my number one priority. He needs to have a relationship with Dustin, but how do I breach that when the situation at hand is so messy? I don’t want to prolong the reunion any further or steal more time away from the two of them, but it just doesn’t feel like the right time when my world seems to be imploding.

“I’m glad you came home,” Brian says, standing for me as I walk through the garage door. He begins to approach me but thinks better of it. His hand shakes holding the cane that’s propping him up. “Where’s Dylan?” he asks once I shut the door.

“Still on fall break with his teammate down the street.” I bypass him, heading for our room. I’m just drained. Emotionally. Mentally. Physically. I’m tapped out. The door to the guest room is closed, but the lights are on. I’m glad to see he hasn’t run his mom off yet. I was expecting him to send herpacking once I agreed to come back. “How long’s your mom staying for?” I ask, feeling him trail behind me.

“Until my first therapy session. I think she wants to make sure I actually go.”

“I’m about to go to bed.” I make my way to the bathroom first. I really should shower but don’t care enough to.

“Can I sleep with you?” Brian whispers as I walk to my side of the bed.

“Are you sure you want to? You haven’t slept in here since you’ve been back.”

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