Page 52 of Mended Hearts

“I wish you had come to us about the situation. We heard the rumors swirling through town but didn’t realize how bad it truly was. You shouldn’t have dealt with it alone.”

I snort. “Maybe you. Maybe I should’ve come to you. But not Mom. Mom was part of the problem. She didn’t want us together either. She didn’t want anything to get in the way of my future in baseball.”

“So she’s the reason you enlisted?”

I’m not sure whichshehe’s referring to, but I nod.

Chapter Thirty-Six

ECHO

Iglance in the mirror and wonder when I became a shell of the woman I once was. How much do we give of ourselves to save the ones we love? Do we self-sacrifice our entire being in hopes it will make a difference? How much do we give without a guarantee of a return investment?

We’re told sticking through the hard times makes us stronger, but what if it cripples us from within. Feeling obligated to hold someone else’s head above water when they’re drowning you is a messed-up situation to be in. Yet here I am.

I don’t know what my future holds. I’ve been too busy trying to dodge insults and mood swings to bother thinking ahead. For the sake of my son, I’ve been in survival mode. For the sake of Brian and his mom, I’ve been in don’t kill your husband mode.

I don’t excuse his behavior, but he took on some demons while overseas and I’m not sure I’m powerful enough to exorcise them on my own.

But when he’s not being a jerk I want to kick in the nuts, I see the boy I grew up with. The one who took me under his wing and has taken care of my son and me this entire time. Yes, our hard times look completely different, but how could I abandon him when he needs me the most?

I have a feeling he’s about to find out. I remind myself why I’m in this situation in the first place. Every decision I’ve made in life has always been for Dylan. It will be the same reason I exit the situation if things don’t change.

“I’m heading to the airport to pick up your mom. Do you need anything while I’m out?”

“I don’t know why you invited her to come visit,” he mumbles.

“Okay, so no. You don’t need anything.”

“You already mother goose me around. I don’t need two of y’all doing it,” he slurs.

“Well, one of us needs to make sure you still know how to wipe your ass.” I stop in front of his trusty recliner and take notice of the beer cans sitting on the table beside him. “Are you drunk?” I walk over and start grabbing cans. This isn’t the scene I want his mother to walk straight into.

“Beer. You can get more beer.”

“Yeah, I think that’s the last thing you need. You just drank an entire brewery,” I say, walking to the trash can. “Good God. It’s not even noon, Brian.” I quickly return to grab the last two cans.

“It’s five o’clock somewhere.” He laughs, then grabs my wrist, startling me. “Not that one.” He pulls the half-finished can from my hand. “Don’t be a wasteful bitch.” He smiles as I stare down at him.

I’m at a loss for words, which never happens.

“Now now. Go fetch my mother,” he says, smacking my ass when I turn around.

I hope he realizes his days are numbered. One day, he’s going to push me past the point of no return. I only invited his mom in hopes she can reach him because I’m at my wits’ end. He won’t go to therapy, he won’t talk to anyone, and he stays medicatedand drunk eighty percent of the time. And in asshole mode a good ninety-five.

PAULA AND I haven’t had the closest relationship throughout the years. It’s hard with so much distance involved. But lately, she’s been on the receiving end of many late-night phone calls with me crying. She’s always so calm and collected while I’m on the other end of the line feeling unhinged. At this point, she probably thinks I’m the one who should be taking medication. That’s what I would think when our conversations go from me saying,“‘I’m going to strangle him in his sleep,’ ‘I can’t deal with this anymore,’ ‘Can’t I just trip him and blame it on his injury,’ ‘I’m not strong enough for this,’ ‘I love him, but I can’t fix him,’ ‘I want to be there for him.’ ‘I want to see this through,’ ‘I won’t leave him,’ ‘I bought a shovel today.’”

I would obviously never cause harm to him, but some days he is so hard to deal with.

I hug her as soon as I see her and the tears fall instantaneously.

When did I turn into such a sap?

“Thank you for coming. I didn’t know what else to do.” I hold her tighter, praying she’s the solution.

“You shouldn’t be dealing with this alone,” she says, calming my spirit as she rubs my back.

As we pull into the driveway, I give her a warning. “He was drunker than a skunk when I left. So I don’t know what condition he will be in.”

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