Page 73 of Between the Lines

“That’s the point of a memoir, Hartman.”

“Hmm, I like it when you call me that. Means you’re getting annoyed at me.”

“You shouldn’t like me being annoyed at you,” I say. “Masochist.”

His lips quirk again. “Well, if I’m the one asked... I think I was an okay boyfriend. Too self-absorbed, but so was she, I think, for it to be anything meaningful.”

“Did you love her?”

Something sparkles in his eyes. “I’m looking forward to asking you all of this. Was I in love?” He runs a hand along his jaw. “I thought I was, yeah. Sure.”

“You thought you were. But you’re not sure now.” I spin the wine glass around by the stem, slowly.

He clocks the movement. Looks at it, and then holds out his hand.

“That bad?” I ask and hand it to him.

He drains whatever was left. “You’re asking hard questions. Now? No, I don’t think I was in love. It was infatuation. Puppy love, if anything.”

“Have you ever been in love?”

“You’re asking an awful lot of questions, Chaos. I think it’s only fair if you answer a few before I continue.”

I narrow my eyes at him. “Coward.”

He just lifts an eyebrow, his face serene. “A deal is a deal. When did you have your first boyfriend?”

I am calm. I am in control. And I need to give up some of my secrets in order to get more of his.

But I fill up the glass of wine first. Across the couch, Aiden’s voice is low. “That bad, too?”

“What qualifies as a relationship?”

His eyes feel heavy on mine. “However you want to qualify your experiences, Chaos, is fine with me. I’m not a judge.”

“The first guy I dated… it was very short-lived. I thought we were something real, but we weren’t, and it blew up in my face.”

Aiden eyes narrow. “He hurt you?”

I shrug. Hurt feels like such an insignificant word for that period of my life. Blake and I were on TV screens across the nation, and my heartbreak and public humiliation played out to an audience of millions.

“He did,” Aiden concludes. “What did he do?”

I can’t say it.

He madeyoumillions of dollars and launched a new reality television show franchise.

“He was my first love. My first… everything.” Heat rushes to my cheeks, and I look away from Aiden’s eyes. “I thought we were something great. That he cared about me the way I cared about him.” I shrug again. So casual, so unbothered. “But he didn’t.”

“When was this?”

“I was nineteen, at the time.”

“Were you in love with him?”

Every instinct is telling me not to talk about this. To keep the memories buried under the years of experiences I’ve stacked on top. The new identity I’ve built, the travels, the confidence.

I have to force the words out. “Like you… I thought I was. At the very least, it was a crush.”

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