Page 34 of Filthy Rich Santas

She stiffens in surprise, almost making me second guess my instincts, but before I can, she melts against me, her soft breath fluttering against my chest.

I’ve hugged her before, but this is something else. She feels incredible against me, all warm curves and plush softness. If I wasn’t so worried about her, it would be a hard temptation to resist.

Instead of letting myself think about that, I wrack my brain for something that could have upset her like this. She seems to be over her shit-head ex, and I know we got to the bar the other night before the man who was plying her with drinks could do anything we would’ve had to hurt him for, so I’m at a loss.

“Want to tell me about the dream?” I ask, my lips brushing her hair a little as I speak. She smells like cherry blossoms and honey, and it takes an act of will to keep my cock from stirring in response.

Lana shakes her head, her breath still stuttering and short.

I stroke her arm, hoping to soothe her, and feel something warm in my chest when she finally starts to calm down.

“Sometimes it helps to talk about it,” I try again.

“I’d rather not,” she says quietly.

I don’t like the idea of her keeping her fears to herself. If I don’t know what’s wrong, I won’t know how to fix it. But I do know something about the painful process of working through things that are hard to share with others, so I decide not to push her.

That’s not why she came, and it’s clearly not what she needs.

But I can also tell by the tension still present in her body that she’s not going to be falling asleep any time soon, so maybe talking about something else will help calm her down.

“It’s been a while since you’ve been back home, hasn’t it? Are you excited to see your family for Christmas?”

She laughs softly. “Yes. But also… no.”

“Oh?” My brows rise. “I know Caleb is looking forward to seeing you.”

She sighs. “I’m looking forward to seeing him too. It’s just complicated. He’s really the only one I fit in with.”

“Hmm.”

I can feel her smiling against my chest at my non-answer, but just like I hoped, it encourages her to go on.

“I do love Christmas, but you know how my parents are. They don’t really celebrate the things that I love about it. They expect perfection, and that’s just not something I’m capable of giving them.”

“Bullshit.”

Her soft body tenses up, but then she laughs, relaxing even more. “You know what I mean.”

I really don’t. But I do know that her parents have rigid ideas about the kind of image they expect their family to project.

“I never got the sense that their expectations were that demanding,” I say, thinking of all the things Caleb got away with.

Lana gives a delicate snort. “Not if you’re my brother.”

I lean back a little so I can see her face, but the little bit of moonlight coming through the window isn’t enough to show me her expression. “What do you mean?”

“He’s the golden boy in our parents’ eyes, so of course he feels that way. They don’t think he can do any wrong. It’s the opposite for me, though. I’ve spent most of my life trying to live up to their standards, but all I hear from them is how I’m failing at it. I love my brother, and he’s the one family member who doesn’t ever make me feel that way, but he also doesn’t get it. He does everything right in their eyes without even trying.”

I’m not sure what to say to that. I agree that Caleb excels at not just hockey, but almost anything he touches. But fuck, so does Lana. It’s hard to imagine anyone finding fault with her. As far as I’m concerned, she’s pretty much perfect.

But what I really hear is that she doesn’t feel like she belongs. That she feels separate from the rest of her family in some way, even when she’s surrounded by them.

Despite the close ties I have with my best friends, I know what it feels like to walk through life not fitting in.

I rub slow circles against her back. “What about your sister?”

“It seems easy for Vivian. Everything my parents expect just comes naturally to her. It’s…”

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