Page 171 of Filthy Rich Santas

The answer is so obvious it goes without saying, isn’t it? And yet… I’m having trouble articulating it as I stand staring at her with my mouth gaping open like a fish.

She smiles at me, patting my hand fondly even though her gaze stays serious. “Tristan, honey. I’ve known you your whole life. I’ve seen you go through more pain than anyone should ever have to endure. And I’ve never seen you look at anyone the way you look at that girl. That goes for the way your friends look at her too. And that sweet girl? She looks at each one of you like you hung the moon.”

I swallow, my jaw working. “It’s complicated, Gram.”

“Life usually is,” she says with a soft chuckle. “But that doesn’t mean it’s not worth holding on to the things that make our hearts sing.”

Another burst of laughter drifts in from the living room. I can pick out Lana’s voice, bright and clear, mixed with the deeper tones of Ryder, Beckett, and Caleb. The sound wakes up that deep ache in my chest again, and I turn back to the sink, my hands shaking slightly as I reach for another dish.

My grandmother’s advice about life has usually been spot on, but this time, I can’t see it the way she does. And that hurts.

“What’s really stopping you from pursuing this, sweetheart?” she asks gently.

I focus on the dish I’m rinsing. “I’m not sure there’s really a ‘this’ to pursue. We all agreed it was temporary, Gram. Something to explore during the road trip, but that’s it.”

She snorts, shaking her head. “No, I asked what’sreallystopping you.”

I fight off a smile despite myself. She always did call me out on my bullshit. But then I sigh, because this time, there truly are valid reasons.

“She’s Caleb’s sister, for one thing,” I begin, the words tumbling out. “He’d never be okay with that. And the guys and I will be moving out of L.A. in a few months anyway. You know long distance things never work. And even if we could get past all that, I love Ryder and Beckett like brothers, but polyamory? I’m not even sure I’m cut out for a serious relationship, and I hear they’re complicated enough with just two people involved. With four of us…”

I shake my head, that constriction in my chest getting tighter and tighter as I spell it all out.

But my grandmother’s eyes never leave my face. When I finally run out of words, she reaches out and takes my hand.

“Tristan,” she says softly, “I’ve known you your entire life. I’ve seen you grow, struggle, and overcome so much. And in all that time, I have never seen you look at anyone the way you look at Lana.Never.”

I don’t doubt for a second that it’s true, but when I open my mouth to respond, she cuts me off with a little squeeze of my hand.

“You’ve always been good at hiding your feelings, but I know you too well, dear. The way your eyes follow her, the softness in your voice when you speak to her? It’s all there, plain as day to me. And as for your list of reasons…”

She cocks her head, narrowing her eyes at me.

“Caleb is a wonderful man—but he’s Lana’s brother, not her keeper. What she chooses to do with her heart is ultimately none of his business, and I’d like to believe that he’s mature enough to come to terms with that, regardless of any knee-jerk reaction he may or may not have. And long distance relationships? I most certainly donotknow that they never work. What I do know is thatallrelationships take work, and the good ones often look like compromise on the outside, but from the inside…”

She shakes her head, smiling fully now.

“What?” I ask, my heart pounding.

“Well, from the inside, each relationship is as unique as the people who are involved in it. And if that’s all four of you, then that is absolutely no one’s business but your own, no matter how unconventional it is. And do you know what’s almost as challenging as making a good relationship succeed?”

I shake my head.

Her smile softens. “Making a business succeed the way you and your friends have done with Radiance, my dear. Balancing each other’s strengths and working through your differences to nurture something you all love.”

She holds my gaze as if she’s daring me not to see the parallel she’s drawing, to argue again that I actually believe sharing something important—or someone—with Ryder and Beckett would ever become a problem between the three of us.

I swallow hard, because I can’t argue that. It’s just not true, and in my heart, I know it.

“I’ll think about that, Gram. I promise.”

She huffs a laugh, patting my cheek again before turning back to the dishes. “Do better than just thinking about it, sweetheart. You know I’ve never been one to tell you how to live your life, but you deserve to be happy. Don’t let this go without figuring out which of those reasons you just listed are actually big enough to keep you apart.”

Her words stick in my mind, and I find myself turning to look back into the living room as if needing visual proof of what I’ve been trying to convince myself I have to give up.

Lana is there, sandwiched between Ryder and Beckett on the couch, Baldwin on her lap and her head thrown back in laughter at something Caleb has said. The sight of her there, so perfectly at ease with the men who are as close to me as brothers, makes my heart swell.

I feel a gentle touch on my arm and turn back to find Meg watching me with a knowing smile. No words are needed; the understanding between us is as deep and unshakeable as always.

---