Page 44 of The Snowball Effect

But it was the truth. Because Emma seemed to conveniently never hang out in their common spaces when Regan’s schedule informed Emma that she would be home.

Emma offered her a tentative smile. “I mean, you were gone really early this morning, so.”

Confused, Regan asked, “… So? I assumed you’d be happy about my absence.”

That small smile fell from Emma’s face completely. “Listen–”

Regan cut her off, determined to not be dragged back into the headspace she’d been in pre-Charlotte. “If you’re going to make an apology to me that you obviously don’t mean, then I don’t want to hear it.”

It went againsteverythinginside of her to not try to hear Emma out, but she powered on, knowing she was doing the right thing for self-protection.

“Before I go to my room, I’m going to tell you the hard truth this time, okay?”

Emma’s expression was very clearly dubious, but she nodded nonetheless.

Regan took a deep breath, staring Emma right in the eye. “Have you ever considered that the way you react to me isn’t reallyabout me? Like. Fine. I get it; I can be really chatty, and sometimes I act before I think, and sometimes I do the wrong thing. But – the stupid thing is? When push came to shove, I always would have had your back. And I thought you’d have had mine. Why, exactly, does it bother you so much that I’m not getting a graduate degree or pursuing aserious career? My ambitions, organization, and whatever else are none of your concern. I think those areyouproblems, Emma. Because they aren’t mine.”

As Emma blinked at her in surprise, Regan drew her shoulders back with a sense of pride.

Huh.

That felt pretty good. Good enough to spur her to dig into her bag, where she’d stashed the package that had arrived yesterday.

“Here.” She tossed it, still in the bubble wrap, to Emma. “ThesurpriseI’d wanted to give you.”

With that, she turned and headed for her room.

seven

I always would have hadyour back. And I thought you’d have mine.

I think those are you problems, Emma.

Regan’s words continued to ring in Emma’s ears days after she’d said them. They haunted her to the point of distraction.

After Regan had thrown thatridiculousaccusation at her, she’d strutted right past where Emma had sat and smartly shut her bedroom door behind her. As if to saycase closed.

The kicker of it all was that Emma had been waiting for Regan to discuss their… issue. While she hadn’t been willing to apologize for what she’d said, shehadbeen willing to apologize for how Regan had taken it.

However, her reaction after Regan’s spiel the other night had changed everything.

First, she’d been annoyed all over again – now Regan was telling Emma what her problems were? She was telling Emma that her very legitimate issues with Reganweren’tlegitimate? Where the hell did she get off?!

And she’d intended to say as much to Regan!

Only, as the days passed, Emma was finding that Regan could maintain boundaries – as long as those boundaries meant sticking to her word about ignoring Emma.

Whichshouldn’tbother her! That was, perhaps, the most aggravating thing of all.

Every time Regan walked past her, or they ran into one another in their apartment, Emma was filled with an anticipation she couldn’t quite understand. Thiswaitingperiod for Regan to say or do something… Regan-like was terrible.

It was like walking on eggshells; somehow, Emma was finding that it made their living arrangement even worse.

At least, she told herself, she used to know what to expect from Regan. Annoyed or pestered as she was, she knew what was waiting for her when she got home. There was a sense of regularity and familiarity.

Now, who knew?!

If someone had asked Emma a week ago if she believed she’d prefer to live in a situation where Regan didn’t attempt to connect with her, she would have agreed the affirmative without a second thought.

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