Page 95 of The Snowball Effect

“That’s not… that doesn’t make sense.” This time, she turned to study Regan closely, trying to reconcile that information. And trying not to think too hard about the fact that not too long ago, Emma would have probably said something likecan’t imagine whynot.

But, as she stared at Regan, she reallycouldn’timagine why not.

“Why doesn’t it make sense?” Regan asked, staring at Emma with just as much confusion as Emma was feeling.

“I–” Damn, she really should have let thatbe, feeling the embarrassment sweep through her. “Just that, you know. You’re straightforward, you’re fun, you’re… pleasing to the eye.”

Regan’s eyebrows lifted, a smile playing at her mouth. “Oh? Pleasing to the eye?”

Rather than push and needle her, Regan leaned back with a little smirk on her face. A very attractive little smirk, something Emma had never seen.

Emma huffed out a breath, leaning back into her own seat and staring forward as she waited for the blush on her cheeks to fade.

She could feel Regan shrug against her. “There’ve been some guys that I’ve hadthingswith. Relationship-lite. But I don’t know. Dating in the age of apps… sucks. For most of us that aren’t Sutton, anyway. It’s all non-answers and half-assed conversations.”

Emma slowly nodded. “Is a real relationship even something you want?”

There really was so much she didn’t know about Regan. And now that she’d thought about all of the romantic relationship aspects, she found that she really wanted to know.

She turned to face Regan again, watching as she nodded. “Yeah. I do.” She dug her perfect teeth into her lip as she looked up at Emma, eyes glinting and bright. “So, for my first official role asgirlfriend– how am I doing?”

Emma swallowed hard, holding Regan’s gaze with her own. Finding it difficult to look away.

She was incredibly grateful as the subway came to a stop, giving her something else to focus on as she stood up. “Well, this is us.”

As Emma led them out of the subway station and down the sidewalk, those nerves that Regan had successfully distracted her from returned.

As if on cue, Regan commented, “All right. I can literallyseethe anxiety rolling off of you in waves.”

“I know that this isn’t the same thing as meeting Kimberly, but Emma, it’s going to be completely fine.” Regan reached out and squeezed Emma’s hand before rubbing her thumb over the back of it.

Much like last weekend at her mother’s house, Emma – crazily – felt it was so soothing. Rather than say anything else, Regan silently stared down at their hands.

Emma swiftly tugged at their interlocked hands to pull Regan away from where she was about to walk right into a telephone pole.

“Are yousureyou’re okay?” She asked for at least the tenth time this week.

Regan snapped her eyes back up to Emma’s. “Fine – me? Fine. Anyway, your grandmother metFelicity, right?” Regan said her ex’s name with an inflection that Emma couldn’t quite decipher, having never heard it from her before.

Weird.

“Yes. Several times.” The reminder wasn’t making her feel much better, especially as she could so clearly recall theuncomfortable quiet that would fall between Gram and Felicity, neither seeming able to nor interested in coming up with conversation topics.

“And Felicity was… well-educated, organized, responsible, and ambitious,” Regan recited, listing the adjectives off. “I’ll justpretendto be those things, only better. So you won’t catch any flack from being with me.”

The guilt that dug into Emma at Regan’s words – at Emma’s own words being parroted back at her – was startling. Quite literally, it made her stumble over her steps at how strongly she felt it slam into her. This time, it wasn’t even guilt at kicking a puppy; it was real shame. About hurtingRegan. “I shouldn’t have said that before. And definitely not the way it came out.”

Regan shrugged. “We’ve moved on. I’m not saying it to throw it in your face.”

Emma used their still entwined hands to pull Regan to a gentle stop, feeling an urgency for Regan tohearher. “I know you aren’t; that’s not the point. The point is – you don’t need to pretend to be anything, okay? You’re smart, loyal, funny, and kind, and this will probably go better because youaren’tlike Felicity.” The raw honesty escaped her, propelled by that heavy feeling in her stomach. By the need to make Regan know that she meant it. “Felicity would never do what you’re doing for me.”

And as embarrassing as that truth was for Emma to admit, it was the truth.

“Well, why would you have needed your real girlfriend to pretend to be your girlfriend?” Regan asked, and the smile on her lips looked like something she’d wear while joking around, but her voice was hoarse.

And Emma didn’t laugh. “What I mean is that she wouldn’t have gone along with some silly scheme, even if it would have meant the world to me. She wouldn’t have sacrificed so much of her own time just to do something to help me out of anemotional bind. She, honestly, would have been very judgmental around the fact that I found myself in this situation in the first place just because I was afraid to face my own mother.”

Emma looked at Regan earnestly. Very much needing her to see that Emma didn’t have the same stubborn beliefs about her, anymore. “So, I mean it.Don’tdwell on anything I said in the past, please. Because if you’reyou, it’ll probably go a lot better.”

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