Page 88 of The Snowball Effect

“You’re welcome,” she answered easily, continuing without missing a beat. “But none of it made me feel like I was missing a piece of myself. Shouldn’t I have felt some sort of… stirring, too?” She challenged, her hands falling to her hips as she faced Charlotte. “Shouldn’t I have felt my awakening, then?”

“It’s not some sort of sixth-sense tingling,” Charlotte’s amusement was clear in her tone, even if her small smirk was reserved. “And just because you witnessed Sutton going through something doesn’t mean you’d have felt the same way.”

Regan wondered if, in some way, maybe watching Sutton go through her self-discovery journey had made Regan totally dismiss the idea for herself. She’d been fully focused on working with Sutton through her newly realized bisexuality and becoming the number one best friend ally. She hadn’t contemplated her own sexuality at all. Not really.

“When didyouknow that you were into women?” She asked, shaking her head.

“Middle school,” Charlotte answered unthinkingly.

“Exactly!”

“I’m also not attracted to men in the slightest, so that may have facilitated my discovery. Ifyouare attracted to men, it makes sense that it might have taken you longer. That’s a very normal thing,” Charlotte informed her, her voice softening. Enough that Regandidfeel comforted. “Sexuality is fluid; it’s a scale. You are – bafflingly – attracted to men. Maybe your sexuality scale is ninety percent men, ten percent women, or an even smaller percentage. It’s not one-size-fits-all. Some women don’t even realize they are full-fledged lesbians until they’re decades older than you are.”

Regan felt like some of the wind was taken out of her sails, abruptly feeling very aware that she’d gotten very little sleep all night.

“That’s not exactly the information I’d hoped to hear, but I guess it makes sense. Guess I’m luckier than the women that don’t figure their shit out until they’re even older than I am.”

“What Icansay,” Charlotte aimed a look at her. “Is that – even if you’ve never experienced this kind of attraction before, it doesn’t mean it’s invalid. Sometimes that’s how it is. Maybe you really haven’t been attracted to women before. Maybe there’s something about this person. Maybe itwasjust something you felt in the moment and isn’t going to be replicated. None of those potential avenues are wrong.”

Regan ultimately collapsed onto Charlotte’s couch, blowing out a long-suffering breath. “What would you do, then? What do I do now?” That was really what Regan needed a guiding light for, she supposed. What was the appropriate next step? “That’s something you can help with, right?”

Charlotte softly sighed, slowly standing from the island and coming to join her on the sofa. “First, you continue to hang out with this friend. See if you feel those same… stirrings again. If you do, then you’ll have your answer.”

Regan blew out a breath, slumping down on the couch even more as she stared blankly ahead. “God, this sapphic shit is exhausting.”

She felt better going home than when she’d left in the morning, at the very least.

After all, Regan felt her emotions very strongly. Maybe last night had been a strange one-off. It could happen, according toher conversation with Charlotte. And she had no reason to doubt Charlotte, who was a veritable lesbian lothario. Pre-Sutton, of course.

Regan took a deep breath as she entered the apartment, feeling nervous anticipation weigh heavily in the pit of her stomach.

Honestly, she didn’t evenknowwhat she wanted to be the outcome here.

Everything would probably be way simpler, clearer, and better if she didn’t have any attraction to Emma, she decided as she toed her shoes off.

And that was probably the reality she should expect, she reasoned with herself. Why should she believe that the way she viewed Emma was fundamentally altered? It wasprobablya fluke, a weird one-time response.

Walking down the hall into the kitchen, she came to a stumbling stop.

Emma sat at their table, wearing a black tank top as she pressed one of Regan’s small gel ice packs – she’d found them online, all in bright colors with little slogans on them – against the bare skin of her neck.

Her hair was thrown up in a bun on the top of her head, and she wore a pair of wide-framed glasses, and… fine, yeah. Okay, so she was attractive. That was true. But –

Regan’s throat ran dry as Emma slowly slid the ice pack down her neck, and she choked on the sharp inhale she’d just taken.

Because there it was.

That same feeling from last night. This insanely strong urge to replace Emma’s own hand with her own as that ice pack slid over her warm, soft skin.

Emma lifted her gaze away from her computer as Regan choked on nothing. “Are you all right?”

Regan wheezed. “I’m fine! Fine, I am. Why do you ask?”

Attention completely off of her work, Emma sat up straight in the chair, eyeing Regan closely. “Because you’re standing in the doorway, staring at me, sounding like you can’t breathe?” She offered, drawing out the words slowly. “On top of that, last night you took an intense fall to the ground, and – based on how you’ve been acting ever since – I’m still not convinced you didn’t whack your head.”

“Oh. Right. That makes sense, then, why you’d be concerned.” She paused for only a second, unable to take her gaze off Emma. “Youareconcerned, right? About me.”

Emma’s blue eyes – Regan really was constantly amazed by her eyes. Seriously, so crystal clear. Stunningly so – narrowed in suspicion. “No, I’m asking about your well-being because I couldn’t care less if you keeled over.”

---