Page 159 of The Snowball Effect

Because, in a shocking twist of events, she felt a little protective over Kimberly, right now. She really didn’t know howmuch Eva and Everly knew about Kimberly’s life, pre-Ted. And the reality Emma was facing in a rapid turn of events, was that… she didn’t want to ruin the image Eva likely had.

Their mom had done a lot of work to get to the place she was in, now. Emma had a lot of issues with Kimberly, but she knew that without a doubt. She’d gotten her GED, gone to college, she’d started working at women’s shelters. She’d become a model PTA parent. Maybe she hadn’t been able to do that for Emma, but she’d done it for her little sisters, and Emma – she respected it. She was proud of her.

Eva’s jaw was still set in a hard line, as she shrugged. “I know enough.”

Emma couldn’t help but roll her eyes, even as she felt her lips tick into a small, exasperated grin. Yep. This girl was her fucking sister.

“So, if you knowenough, then you know that I lived with Gram. And you know that Mom wasn’t… the same parent for me that she is for you,” she spoke carefully, knowing she was toeing a line. “And honestly, Eva? Growing up, that wasn’t always the easiest thing for me to deal with. So, that’s why I didn’t accept the invitations to holidays and birthdays.”

Whew. God, saying that aloud to Eva was surprisingly… freeing, in a way.

Eva still frowned at her, but it was filled with slightly less anger. At least, Emma thought so.

“And Gram doesn’t love me more than she loves you, either.” Emma wouldn’t –couldn’t– not jump in to defend their gram in this. “Butshewas the one that did my birthday parties and Christmases. So… the relationship I have with her is always going to be a little different than the one you have with her. But it’s not because she thinks I’m perfect; it’s because she was – in most ways – my mom.”

She stared intently across the table, hoping that she wasn’t laying too much out for her sister. Hoping that she wasn’t triggering a minefield in this situation and making it any worse, for anyone.

Eva’s frown slowly melted into much more of a pout. “Do you not like me and Everly?” She asked, quietly, tilting her head at Emma. “Or is it just Mom?”

Oof. The quiet vulnerability in those questions packed far more of a punch than Emma had been prepared for.

“I just don’t know you all that well,” she answered, honestly. “And I meant what I said, before: I really do care about you both.AndI care about Mom. It’s just… hard,” she admitted, her voice cracking unexpectedly on the word.

A little embarrassed, she cleared her throat and continued, “It’s hard for me, too, sometimes. You see me and Gram being close, being a family that you don’t feel like a part of, and it makes you feel badly. Right?”

Eva slowly nodded, dipping her gaze down to the board game as she reached out and toyed with her plastic van, idly. Looking a little embarrassed, herself, admitting vulnerable feelings.

“Sometimes… sometimes, it made me feel badly, to see you and Everly and our mom and your dad, as a family that I don’t feel like a part of.”

Eva swallowed as she pouted her bottom lip thoughtfully, staring down at the board game. “Does it still make you feel bad? To see us?”

Emma felt the question land, deep in her stomach, and she sat back as she mulled it over. She looked around the den, belonging to a happy little family that played board games and had movie nights – a family she was a part of, but not fully.

And while she still had a tug of that feeling she’d had a couple of months ago, the first time she’d come over here, she didn’t feelsick from it. Her stomach clenched a little, but she didn’t feel like she needed to cry or run away.

“A little bit,” she admitted, softly. “But less than it did, before. And… I’d like to get to a place where it doesn’t feel badly, at all.”

She was surprised at the words coming out of her own mouth, but they were the utter truth. Somewhere along the line, she’d started to let this in as a reality, and it didn’t make her want to die.

Eva blinked up at her, her eyebrows furrowed deeply. As if she was trying to assess how much she could trust Emma.

Emma felt that was fair; she didn’t trust easily, either.

“Well… I wouldn’t hate if you came to dinner more, then.” Eva shrugged once more, the look in her eyes a little brighter. “Especially if you keep bringing Regan.”

A loud cough from the far side of the room drew both of their attention, as Regan rounded the corner. She had a plate of brownies in one hand, with a few bottles of water tucked into the crook of her arm, and Everly skipped in behind her, already munching on a brownie.

“Dessert is served!” Regan announced, as she set the plate down with a flourish.

Emma felt like she’d run a marathon in the last five minutes, and she leaned heavily back against the couch cushions.

She didn’t know if she was relieved or not to be interrupted before she found herself confessing to her twelve-year-old sister that she wasn’t sure she’d ever want to leave Regan behind.

Emma yawned, widely, as she walked back into the den after triple-checking to make sure Everly was really in bed for the night.

If she’d wanted something tonight to help her see a similarity to Everly, it had come in the form of her doggedness to want to stay up as late as possible, telling Emma how much she hated waking up early in the morning.

Her footsteps came to a pause as her gaze landed on Regan.

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