Page 134 of The Snowball Effect

Even more damningly, that felt good.

Sobering, Brynn nodded. “Yeah, that doesn’t shock me. I mean, I invited you out to come grab drinks or dinner after work,like, three times in May after you started, and you never said yes. Hence, my surprise and appreciation that you joined me tonight, regardless of the promotion.”

Tapping her fingers lightly against her thighs, Emma thought over Brynn’s words. “I guess it’s also been brought to my attention this summer that I don’t always give people a chance. And... I don’t necessarily like that.”

The revelation was occurring to her as she was speaking it aloud, surprising her along with Brynn.

But it was true.

Emma didn’t know at what point she’d decided to close herself off from most new people and experiences, approaching everything and everyone with critical caution; it wasn’t even something she’d done consciously.

If the last couple of months had proven anything to her, though, it was that she really could be surprised by people, if she was willing to give just a little bit. Kimberly, who’d taken to texting Emma in very reasonable doses, to the point that she didn’t even feel stressed by seeing her mom’s name appear on her phone.

But… mostly Regan.

I like you, in the real girlfriend kind of way, Regan’s confession from yesterday played in her mind. Just like it had in bits and pieces all day long.

Squeezing her eyes closed, Emma effectively stopped her mind from summoning any of Regan’s other notable lines. Nope, no, she wasn’t going to do it. She wasn’t going to let herself hear it again, to let those words tie her up in giddily-stressed conflicted knots.

This wasn’t about Regan’s attraction to her or Regan’s – Regan’sfeelingsfor her; what she was saying to Brynn was simply about Regan, herself.

It was about the fact that Emma had done her best to write Regan off as a person, when in reality, Regan had turned out to be someone Emma deeply enjoyed spending time with. It was about the fact that Emma had relied for far too long on a default setting to find Regan frustrating, rather than allow herself to see any of the good parts in her.

It was about the fact that Regan had so much… depth. So much going on inside of her very active mind, that she felt so deeply, that she observed everything around her, and Emma would have never been able to experience any of it, if she’d stayed so insistent on closing her out.

Dear god, Emma needed to stop letting Regan derail her thoughts.

She refocused on Brynn, who was studying her with an arched eyebrow. “Huh. And this newfound sense of growth wouldn’t have anything to do with theroommate-not-girlfriendsituation, right?”

Emma felt her cheeks flame, and instinctively, she wanted to shut down in self-defense. But, she took a deep breath and pushed through it. “I don’t really think that’s relevant to what I’m saying. Which is, really, just me reiterating to you that I’d like us to be… friends.”

Brynn signed the receipt their waiter had just dropped off with a flourish. “I, too, would like that.” She slipped her credit card back into her purse. “I also wouldn’t mind getting more updates about the Regan situation, but I can wait until we’re more thansomewhatfriends for that.”

The craziest thing, really, was that Emma wanted to confess it all to Brynn, as they gathered their items and stood.

Mostly because… well, Emma felt like she was goingcrazywith this new development in her life, and she couldn’t talk to anyone about it. Sutton felt off-limits for obvious reasons –

– like,Reganhadn’t even talked to Sutton about all of this?! Regan Gallagher, the woman that told her best friend everything, the woman that loved to gossip, the woman that simply loved toshare, hadn’t talked to Sutton about the very major life experiences she was having? Out of respect for Emma?

It was craziness. It was unexpected. It was… it was so, so, achingly thoughtful and sweet and it made Emma’s heart flutter every damn time she thought about it.

Her gram was off-limits, becauseobviously, she was under the impression that Emma and Regan were already together.

Regan – because somehow, someway,Reganhad become a top contender on Emma’s list of people to confide in about her life?! – was clearly, unquestionably not the person to try to sort out her thoughts with.

So, even though she very much hadn’t intended on to, she found herself asking, “Have you ever been just so – bowled over by someone that you don’t even know what to do with them? What to think about them, how to act with them?”

Brynn stumbled to a stop, snapping her head around to stare at Emma with wide eyes. “I didn’t think you were actually going totellme?”

Embarrassed – this was why she didn’t like to discuss anything personal. Because people’s reactions got… weird, and, in turn, made Emma feel so freaking self-conscious – she gritted her teeth and nudged Brynn forward to keep walking rather than draw attention where they still stood in the middle of the restaurant.

“I didn’t know I was going to,” she muttered, making sure to keep her voice low so that none of the people at nearby tables who were now watching them with interest could hear anything.

Emma didn’t feel like she knew anything, anymore. She’d barely found her center after that kiss last week, and now,following yesterday’s confession, she had no idea where center even was, anymore.

As soon as they exited the restaurant and were out in the open evening air, Brynn turned around to face Emma, clearly brimming with anticipation. “All right – hit me. I’ve been dying for you to actually delve into something personal since we started working together.”

Again, that reason alone made Emma want tonot, like a turtle sliding back into its shell.

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