“There’s nothing more to tell! I obviously think you’re attractive, Regan. I’ve told you that before. Like when we were going to Kimberly’s, and you were wearing…” She trailed off, swallowing thickly. As she often did when the scantily-clad image of Regan appeared in her mind’s eye.
Which happened disturbingly frequently.
It wasn’t Emma’sfault, not really! Not when she was living with Regan and had constant reminders all of the damn time about how much her body betrayed her and responded to Regan.
“You thinking that I’m not bad looking and you being attracted to me are two very different things,” Regan corrected, shaking her head slowly. As if she just couldn’t get over what she’d heard.
There was a gleam in her eyes that Emma didn’t understand, didn’t trust.
“It’snot a big deal,” she grit out, pouring her gram a glass of water. Unfortunately, in this moment, she was having trouble convincing herself of hownot a big dealthis was.
But itwasn’ta big deal; people had meaningless, irrational, silly “crushes” on random people in their daily routines all of the time. People you see on the subway on your work commute, the person that lives down the hall from you that you exchange a smile with but don’t ever really talk.
Baristas, with bright smiles who always remember your order.
Then, those crushes fade. Because you realize the person on the subway has gross politics. Or the neighbor moves away.
Or because the barista spills coffee down your shirt and proceeds to pop up in your life to constantly remind you that you twodon’twork as a duo in the real world.
“Big enough deal for you to tell your grandmother about it,” Regan’s response was cheeky and downright jaunty. In fact, Emma felt as though Regan might start floating away with her glee.
God, of course, Regan was having a field day with this.
“I – it was because she was worried about my getting over Felicity. So, I told her that I knew I was starting to move on… because I was attracted to you. That’s it.” She haltingly explained.
Still, the smile didn’t leave Regan’s face. In fact, she was grinning so widely, so brightly, Emma wondered if it would ever fade.
“It was before you spilled the coffee on me and ripped my shirt open, so I didn’t really know you,” she added for good measure.
Regan shrugged both of her shoulders, clearly unbothered by the fact.
Somehow, Regan’s excitement in learning about Emma’s attraction – she wouldnotcall it a crush – calmed Emma a little. At the very least, Regan was never awkward or uncomfortable and would never hold it against Emma. If anything, she seemed… thrilled.
“I’m going back to the table now.” She needed a second away from Regan’s insanely beautiful, too-excited smile. Damn her grandmother!
“I’ll get us a place in the buffet line, sweetheart!” Regan called after her.
Emma took a deep breath at how her stomach clenched in that not-entirely-unpleasant way.
Finally able to take a deep, butterfly-free breath, she walked back to the table and placed the glass down in front of her gram. “Here you go. I’ll, uh, I’ll join Regan in the line in a second to grab us dinner in a second.”
She couldn’t help but toss a glance toward Regan, who continued to absolutelybeam. Even as she animatedly spoke to the woman next to her in line, she was grinning around her words.
All because of a so-calledcrushthat Emma didn’t even have anymore! Even if you could call it a crush in the first place… whichshewouldn’t have.
“I admit, honey, I was a little concerned. When I’d heard about this relationship. Worried that maybe you’d rushed into something or… I don’t know. But I really like Regan,” Gram said, placing her hand over Emma’s and giving her a warm squeeze.
“I really like her, too.” Only after she spoke was she struck by how sincerely she meant that.
She couldn’t stop herself from looking over at Regan once more. This time, Regan was already staring at her. Still smiling.
Emma could only blink back at her, her heart beating a little harder in her chest as if buzzed to life by the exuberance of that grin. Weird.
Still, she stared. Regan was funny, unguarded, and observant… mostly, she was a joy to exist in the same sphere with, and Emma really liked her. She liked her enough that it was unsettling when she really thought about it.
“I’d hope so.” Gram chuckled, pulling her out of her own thoughts.
Emma pulled her gaze away from Regan, managing out a chuckle. “Right.”