Page 54 of Mud

If that place even existed, I doubted he’d be there now, anyway, but he did promise me that he would find me eventually if I went and waited for him.

That’s the address I gave to the Uber driver.

Chapter 14

Rosabel La Rouge

Present day

Nothing looked real around me anymore. Not when the car stopped—I’d had my head against the window and had gotten used to the constant vibration that numbed my mind and cleared it somewhat. When it stopped, I felt strange, like I was there but not; like I was burning but shivering, too; like I was floating but hopping on one leg at the same time.

It didn’t even sound real when the driver, who hadn’t said a single word (that I heard) to me during our trip, told me that I’d paid him too much money—but what the hell did I know how much I paid him? A miracle I managed to get the bills out of my pocket and put them in his hand. I couldn’t have counted if my life depended on it.

I got out of the car.

The hill was not an actual hill like I’d imagined—it was a hotel that the driver found all by himself when Itold him about the blue house I was looking for. He said there were no hills in this town, but he did findThe Hill Hotelin Darville on his map app, so that’s where he took me. Easy enough to find—it was the tallest building in the small town, on the outskirts of it, and the blue house was a good distance behind it, half hidden away by big oak trees.

Itwasn’t an actual house, either.

Turns out, the Blue House was something of a walled-in community with big wooden doors and a sign blinking blue every few seconds on top of them. I had no idea if I was in the right place or not, but I kept on moving because where else could I go now?

Music came from the other side of the yellowed wall that was maybe a head taller than me. The ground underneath my feet kept changing and twisting, sometimes trying to push me to the sides so I almost fell, sometimes steadying me so that my good leg held me straight. I can’t quite recall if I fell while I walked those fifteen feet from the asphalt to the doors, but I think I did at least a couple of times because my clothes were a bigger mess than I remembered.

But could my eyes, my memories really be trusted right now?I’m dying,I thought.I’m really, really dying.So, who cared if I’d fallen or not?

I touched the tip of the boot of my bad leg to the ground just to help me keep my balance for a little bit until I caught my breath, and the pain that shot up my entire body made black dots come alive in front of my eyes.

Not yet.I couldn’t pass out yet. I needed to get inside first, just until my limbs stopped pulsating the way they were doing, and my heart stopped beating like it wanted to free itself from my ribcage, and my skin stopped producingso much sweat, and my mind cleared enough that I could decide whether this was real or I was only dreaming.

Maybe I never really made it out of that interrogation room. Maybe all of this was really in my head. Maybe Cassie never put me in an Uber, and maybe that music in the air was only in my head.

Maybe I’m not really?—

I couldn’t think it. I couldn’t even think that word.

But tears still came out of my eyes, even if no sound left me.Composed.Always fucking composed.

So, I started to move forward again, toward those doors, dragging my bad leg behind as best as I could. By Iris, the pain was incredible. There were no words to properly describe it. The best I can tell you is that it felt like walking barefoot on hot coal while being sliced open with a really sharp knife.

One hop and those blue doors seemed to move a bit farther away from me. It was my imagination, I knew that, but it didn’t change the fact that I was about to collapse on my face any second now.

Another hop.

Tears streamed down my cheeks as I reached up to wipe the sweat from my forehead. It kept slipping down to my eyes, mixing with the tears, and they stung like hell.

When I was close enough to touch the blue doors, I thought I would have to slam my fists on them to knock—I didn’t. I just leaned against the wood to rest for a second, and the door on the right slid inward instantly.

Somehow I was able to keep myself from falling on the ground.

Somehow my eyes were still working.

Inside of those doors was nothing like I expected.

Houses, a lot of them, on either side. Benches, trees,small lights hanging from the branches all over an open area with tables and chairs and music and people, eating and dancing and singing together like the world out here didn’t exist.

So strange, so…messy,but beautiful all the same.

I made it a couple of steps inside, confused, not entirely sure of what to think yet. All those people, more than a hundred men and women and children that I could see, were inside those walls, and the music was loud, and the colorful lights were on—so much light.

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