Page 19 of Mud

Just like my book characters did.

In my head, I was already fantasizing about what it would be like to fight bad guys, and it actually did speed up the beating of my heart. Those images in my head were so authentic, like I really was that person—holding a gun, shooting an evil villain, someone who looked a lot like my grandmother.

I hit her straight in the middle of the forehead and she collapsed.

Sometimes my own thoughts disturbed me. So intrusive. So…potent. Like they were just waiting for me to believe them, and they would take over my personality completely.

“Pay attention for me, will you?”

My eyes blinked at the sound of Hill’s voice, and for a moment I thought he might be talkingto me.Of course, he wasn’t. He was talking to Poppy, who was sitting across from the both of them, her back turned to me. I could imagine her face just fine though.

“Please try to relax. Don’t think of it as a test or anything—just a conversation,” said Hill. “Ready?’

His focus shifted for only a split second, and his eyes locked on mine.

I froze. His grey eyes looked almost colorless.White.His smile was just like the absence of mine—meant to hide all that he thought and felt, shield his reactions. Mr. Hill was a dangerous man, I gathered from that small look, but then again, what the hell did I know about anything?

Then he raised his hand, and he had three rings on his fingers. Rings made of bones—his anchors.

Whitefire sprung to life, creating a big square of whiteflames at first, like a screen right in front of the doors at their side.

“I just want you to look at what I show you—can you do that for me? Just look, that’s all,” said Hill.

“All right,” said Poppy, her voice pitched higher than usual, which told me she was nervous.

But she didn’t have to be—she was Madeline’s granddaughter. The one that mattered, anyway. Whatever the reason David Hill was here tonight, she didn’t need to worry about it at all.

Then the color on the screen made of Whitefire magic began to change, to create shapes, and to bring those shapes to life.

Suddenly I couldn’t tear my eyes off them if I tried—but Ididn’ttry. I didn’t want to look away. I wanted to see.

A deer eating grass in a bright woods where golden sunlight streamed through the canopy like magic—if gold-colored magic existed. So peaceful, the way the deer ate. Slowly, like he had all the time in the world.

It went on for maybe a whole minute, long enough that my entire body began to relax, too, like I thought I might be in that forest with that deer.

Then the deer raised his head and looked right at me, as if he could suddenly see me, too.

My heart stopped, my breathing cut off, but Madeline was in the room and my instincts were in control, so my face, at least, remained as neutral as ever. Muscles passive. Eyes dull.

The deer disappeared.

In its place came a fish, a strange fish with silver scales and round black eyes, and he was swimming in peace, bubbles coming out of him every time he moved those tiny lips.

Then he stopped. He turned.

Hesaw us, I was sure of it. He saw us and my heart stopped all over again until he swam away with twice the speed into the deep blue of the sea, like the sight of us staring at him like that terrified him.

Once more, before I could even question what the hell was happening, the image changed, this time to the face of a man with his eyes closed and a half smile on his face. So…simple. It calmed me instantly like a charm, just like the deer had.

The image then slowly zoomed out to show where he was standing with his arms spread to the sides—at the very corner of the ledge of a very tall building. The sun was getting ready to set in the grayish sky behind him, and a big city stretched below.

Far,farbelow.

Fear tightened a hand around my insides, keeping my heart suspended for a beat.

It all looked so, so real, I felt like I was on that rooftop with him, like I could hear the sound of cars and people from below, even though the images were perfect silent.

It looked so real that I believed it.

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