Page 162 of Mud

“I’m really sorry, Rora. Please don’t think I’m a bad guy or anything. It won’t happen again,” Ben said, stepping away from me even farther.

So lost in my head was I that I almost asked,sorry for what?

The kiss. Ben had actually kissed me just now, and it occurred to me that Ihadn’tfelt it.

The third guy I’d everkissed, and I hadn’t felt a single thing. No butterflies, no tingling, no nothing—just the urge to move away.

And that begged the question,why?

Ben was a very handsome guy. I’d definitely say that I was attracted to him—or I would be if I wasn’t in the middle of the Iris Roe. Probably—who wouldn’t? Blond hair and dreamy blue eyes, not to mention a beautiful smile.

Yes, yes, I absolutely would,I said to myself.

And the only reason why I hadn’t even allowed myself totastethat kiss was Taland.

That arrogant prick who believed he owned me and took pride in the fact that I’d only ever been with him.Yousaved yourself for me—ugh. I couldn’t stand how right he was, and it just pissed me off.

He considered ita winthat I hadn’t kissed another guy since him, and I sucked at lying to him to convince him otherwise—but…what if I was actually telling the truth? What if I made good on the promise I gave him earlier?

I smiled at Ben. “It’s fine, really. I was just…surprised is all.”

Naughty Rora…

“Oh,” said Ben, scratching the back of his neck, visibly uncomfortable. “Are you…are you okay now?”

No, I’m not okay.

No, I don’t know what the hell I’m doing. I just really,reallydon’t want Taland to win this.

I cleared my throat, and for a moment, it was like someone else had taken over my vocal cords.

“Wanna, um…wanna try that again?”

Holy shit, I can’t believe I said that—and I didn’t need to say it twice.

Ben grabbed my face in his hands and slammed his lips to mine the next second, and this time, I kissed him back.

I wrapped my arms around his neck, and I followed the motions of his lips with mine, and then his tongue was everywhere. I didn’t really have much experience with these things, but he was definitely what Poppy or the girls from school would refer to astoo-much-tongueguy. It felt kind of weird, and not at all like Taland.

When Taland kissed me, it felt like he wasworshipingmy lips in this delicate ritual. Whether he went slower or fast, it was like he was singing praise to me with each movement. He?—

No.

My eyes opened to find Ben completely immersed in the kiss, his closed.

Damn it, I wasnotgoing to think about Taland while I was kissing another guy. This was exactly what I’d always feared would happen, that I’d compare everything and everyone to him—and now I was doing exactly that.

No-no-no!

Squeezing Ben tighter between my arms, I rose on my tiptoes and deepened the kiss, and he went crazy.

He moved us, put me against the wall, ran his hands down my body, and kissed me without ever stopping for air.

I tried to find the feeling, that spark ignited by his lips, his moans, his grinds against me while his hard cock pressed against my body. I tried to moan, too, thinking it would put me in the mood. Thinking it would make make me feelsomethingbecause things were not looking good for me at all. I wasnotfeeling a single thing other than a brand-new train of thought, with wagons full ofwhat the hell am I doing?

This isn’t right.

Pretty sure I’m doing something wrong.

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