Page 65 of Mud

His words were my command. I raised my head and met his eyes, and I didn’t think I’d ever seen him look more…intense.

“You can have all the time you need, do you understand? We’re in no rush. I’m not going anywhere you’re not anytime soon,” he said, and my knees became even weaker. I don’t know if he said it because he knew that was what Ineededto hear—though I really didn’t think so—but I adored it all the same.

“I’ve had time,” I whispered, my voice barely there. I raised my hands and grabbed him by the shirt, and his arm snaked around my waist immediately.

“Tell me something, sweetness,” he whispered against my lips.

Anything,I thought, but didn’t say it because I knew he knew.

“Have you ever been with someone before?”

Oh, goddess… “Of course, I have.” Why the hell was that so embarrassing to talk about?

Throwing his head back, Taland chuckled. “Try again.”

My cheeks were red, my palms sweaty, and I couldn’t bring myself to look at him at all when I said, “I’ve…I-I’ve kissed a guy before.”

Somebody shoot me now.

His fingers were under my chin and he raised my head up again. “Only kissed?” I swallowed hard and nodded. “I wish you hadn’t. These aremine.” He ran his thumb over my lips, gently at first, and I was going to say something, probably tell him that what I’d done before wasn’t any of his business or something like that, but then he pushed mychin down just slightly and stuck his thumb inside my mouth.

Instinctively, I pulled it in and wrapped my tongue around it, whatever the hell came over me.

The smile dropped from Taland’s face. He looked at my lips wrapped around his thumb like he couldn’t quite believe what his eyes were telling him—and I couldn’t believe it, either.

But, damn it, it felt good. It feltgreat.More than that—it made me wonder what having…otherthingsin my mouth would feel like, and my own thoughts terrified me.

Luckily, Taland replaced his thumb with his tongue the next second, kissed me feverishly, with twice as much urge as before until I couldn’t feel my lips at all.

“Then let’s go,” he whispered when he moved back.

At that point I was pretty sure I couldn’t walk straight. I was too drunk on his kisses. “My room?” I whispered, completely disoriented, thinking about the best way to sneak into my dorm, but…

“No, sweetness. We’re not going to your room,” Taland said. “We’re going to mine.”

Just like that, I didn’t have to think about sneaking in or whether somebody would see us, or whether I’d get caught. All I did was trust Taland, and he made sure that everything went smoothly.

From that night on, his room became our safe haven, and we never once got caught.

It was a simple room, same size as mine, with a bed and a desk and a wardrobe. He had a baseball bat in there, a glove, a ball, a Rubik’s Cube, this weird ash tray that looked like melting glass, a digital clock that claimed the time was one in the afternoon, and an unopened bag of almonds. All of it was neatly organized over his desk, not a speck of dust anywhere, and his window that was on the wall left of his bed, was probably cleaner than mine—which was typical Taland.

He got us through his chamber with ease—all he had to do was text a guy, asort-of friendhe said. Three minutes later he got a text back, and we were running up the stairs and into the boys’ dormitory. It felt so surreal, but I didn’t let myself think or worry.

And then we were in his room and the door closed and the lamp was on and we were all alone.

Finally,we were all alone in a closed space with a bed in it, and we could lie down.

Taland took my hand in his without a word, went to the edge of the bed and sat down, then pulled me to sit on his lap. I’m about five seven but my frame is pretty petite, so I was basicallywrapped upin him, and it was the best place in the world to sit. His shoulders were made for my head, and the way he held me, like I was the most important thing to have ever been in his arms, made me feel like I belonged here, despite how long we’d known each other.

“You wanna lie down?” Taland whispered, bringing his hand to my cheek, raising my head to see my face. I nodded, too embarrassed still, but getting more and more comfortable by the second.

Alone. We were alone. We didn’t have to worry about being seen here. We didn’t have to worry about anything.

“Okay, then. We’ll lie down,” he whispered and kissedthe tip of my nose. “But first I need you to know that we can stop any time you want. If you’re even a little uncomfortable, even just lying there, you tell me about it, okay?”

“Mhm,” I said with a nod, stifling a smile.

“You’re not allowed to feel bad about it—you tell me right away. Do you understand?”

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