Page 205 of Mud

Taland thought about it for a second. “Except the Valley isn’t real.”

“Yes, I know that. But this game is.” I shrugged. “I’m going to try to break that ice and bring back some water for her. Won’t hurt to try. It’s the best idea I’ve got.”

“You’re weak. It’s wasted time,” said Taland, but he lowered the eagle to the ground again, near the vulcera.

“Then stay. I’ll be back when I can,” I said, and I started walking before I froze to death.

I wouldn’t, though, not really. If I could have died from it, if I could have gotten frostbite, I’d have been done for by now. We’d been here a while, and I’d been sitting on ice most of the time, yet I was still moving. Cold as fuck, but not dying of hypothermia the way I should have been. Nobody was.

No,weweren’t here to die this time. Only our familiars.

Fuck that.

Reality looked a bit like a dream once more as I made my way back to the statue, this time not even afraid it would fall on my head. This time wishing that it would instead. Taland was behind me, just like I knew he would be. He was behind me and we made it all the way to the statue, to the lake surrounding it, and the frozen fence. It was only as tall as my knees, so I stepped over it easily. With two knives in hand, I began to stab the ice.

No thoughts. No expectations. No audience right now, except for Taland. I just squatted down and I stabbed the ice.

Could have been funny to someone watching, I guess. I tried so, so hard, except myhardwas downright pathetic. I had no energy left, not really, and when I saw that I was merely scratching the surface of the ice with my knives, I put them away and shot three bullets at it instead. I had two more magazines in my holster—why not?

However, the bullets only managed to get an inch deep into the ice, no more.

I wanted to scream.

“Move away, Rose.”

Taland had raised his hands toward the ice, while a couple players from farther away watched. I stepped aside all the way to the edge and sat on the frozen fence to catch my breath, while Blackfire magic, so much brighter than I’d ever seen before, spilled onto the ice viciously, slipping inside it as Taland continued to whisper his spell.

It didn’t work. The ice hardly felt it, and when he was done, he was exhausted. He sat down near the fence with me, on the other side, breathing heavily. Just as disappointed as before.

“It won’t break,” he said.

“Maybe if you try again in the same spot?—”

“Ican’ttry again, sweetness. My anchor is almost gone. I’ll be surprised if I have enough of it left for a few more spells.”

I flinched, tears rolling down my cheeks.

“Thanks for trying, anyway.”

Eventually, Taland went back to the familiars, and even though I wanted to join him, I couldn’t. I wasashamed.I wanted to do anything other than look the vulcera in the eye and know that she knew I’d failed.

So, I let him go back to them on his own and I stayed there for a long time after, stabbing the ice when I had energy, resting when I felt like I might collapse—until I did.

Right there on the ice of the lake, I collapsed. My boot slipped just a little, and I fell on my back, the statue of the roc right in front of me, larger than life.

I didn’t try to move at all, just stayed there sprawled on the ice on my back—what would be the point? Players came and went, maybe the same ones as before, and maybe new ones. Maybe ones who had but this challenge left—or maybe a victor had already been announced. Maybe someone had already opened the mountain and drained the Rainbow of its colors. Maybe the game would be over soon, and I could leave. Go back. Let Madeline kill me—I didn’t mind. Not anymore.

Just don’t make me kill her, please.

If I did, I’d never be the same, and I was so tired of doing things I didn’t want to do because I had to or because it was for the greater good.

It wasn’t formygreater good, damn it. None of it wasfor me!

I prayed and prayed and wished that roc I now couldn’tlook away from broke out of its ice shell, came alive. I wished those claws, those large talons sticking out of the cube would slice my throat open until I was no more.

Those large talons that probably weighed half a ton each, if not more.

Those large talons that would undoubtedly break the earth if they were to fall off the roc statue.

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