Page 194 of Mud

“We made it,” he whispered against my wet hair, and I realized we were freezing. Both of us.

My eyes were so heavy. So, so cold…

“Just so we can die from the cold,” I thought I muttered.

That, or from spider venom.

“We won’t, we won’t,” said Taland, like he was singing, and then he whispered, and I had no clue where in the hell he got that strength.

But he whispered, and then there was warmth all around me, wrapping me up in a cocoon. Wrapping us both up like a fuzzy blanket, and though our clothes were still wet, we were no longer shaking.

Just like that, his Blackfire magic saved our lives again.

I released a long breath and my muscles no longer clenched. I rested my whole weight over him, and I was going to sleep right away. It wouldn’t be difficult. No matter what hid in the Whitefire challenge, it was going to have to wait because I couldn’t keep my lids open a second longer.

Until Taland spoke.

“You never asked me why.”

My eyes opened all the way then, and my stomach twisted because I knew what he was talking about. I always knew exactly what he was talking about.

I said nothing.

“But you know what the worst part of the whole thing was?”

No, no, no…

“Rest, Taland. You need to rest. Heal yourself and rest.” If I had magic right now, I’d be putting him to sleep.

But Taland didn’t care about healing or resting. Whatever state that spider wound had put him in, he was a different man right now from the one I knew—both before I betrayed him and after.

He was…raw.

“But you must hear it,” he said, his voice wavering, but the words came out. “The worst part is that all you had to do was ask me to stop.”

Tears in my eyes again, and they fell right on his jacket.

“Just ask—that’s all you had to do. Just ask me to stop, and I would have.” Laughter,so bitter it cut me wide open. “I’d have done anything for you if you’d have onlyaskedme.” His arm around me tightened. “I was addicted to your sweetness, and I’ve beaten myself up over it—but how was I supposed to know that it was poison?”

The tears kept on falling, and Taland no longer laughed.

I’m sorry,I thought, but didn’t say.I’m sorry I didn’t ask. I thought it wasn’t you…

But my own mind asked me,what does it matter now?

Then he said, “I’m not going to lie, I was a bit surprised by this new you. You have become so much…more.More than even I could have imagined.”

He paused. I didn’t breathe at all.

“I just wish I’d been there to see the small, every day changes.” He pressed his lips to the top of my head—just pressed them and killed me a little more. “I wish I’d been there with you, sweetness.”

I wished you were with me every second of every day, too.I’d wished it with all my heart.

Taland was silent for a little while after that.

I was glad for it, thought he was done killing me alive, and maybe he slept. For a good moment, I hoped he had, but then he fidgeted like he couldn’t quite make himself comfortable.

I tried to move, to give him some space, but he didn’t let me, put me down on his chest again.

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