Page 56 of Mama Si's Paradise

“Then just don’t tell anyone you saw me there today. Don’t tell anyone and I won’t go back. I promise I’ll stay away.Please.” I tightened my grip around her hand with all my strength, and she looked even worse.

“I can’t do that, I’m afraid.”

“Why not?” She could keep tonight to herself. Nobody had to know about any of this.

And I’d be back to my ordinary life, where animal fur didn’t glow at the touch of my hand and the ground didn’t give me pianos to play all night.

Fuck.

“Because we both know you’re not going to stay here, Fall Doll,” Mama Si said. “You can’t do a doll’s job. You’re not cut out for it, I’m afraid, and I can’t keep you here for free. I hope you understand.”

“No…no, of course you can’t.” And I would never ask that of her, either, but therehadto be another way.

“So, you see, I can’t lie to my people like that.I’dbe labeled a traitor if I did,” Mama Si continued. “And you’re human, doll.”

I closed my eyes, willing my heart to slow down the beating. Willing my mind to clear. Willing my hands to stop shaking, but it was so hard. It hurt—it hurt so fucking much. More than Missy. More than Brandon. So much more than anything because I’d had so much hope. I’d unlocked something wonderful, something that made life infinitely better, and now I was going to have to go back to a black and white world again.

No colors. No music. Just me and my train money.

Tears pricked the back of my eyes. I bit my tongue harder.

“Humans will never really understand our connection with Ennaris, and we’ve never expected them to, but I can’t just let you go out there knowing what you know. Seeing what you’ve seen—Ican’t,Fall Doll.”

“There were surely others before me. There were others who knew. Others who saw,” I said through gritted teeth. I couldn’t have been the only one in this fucking mansion who had ever seen the Burrow!

“Of course, there were. Back in the day, we weren’t so strict with our rules. Plenty of people knew—how do you think all the fairytales of the world were created? They’re all based on the Enchanted, but back then, people could only put their stories in books. There was no technology, no nothing. Today’s world is very, very different.”

I dug my fingernails in my palms and tried to quiet my buzzing mind, tried to think about something else for a moment—about the fairytales of the world, about the idea that they werereal.That they were based on something real, something like this place.

“And things change as one grows, Fall Doll.Mindschange about what’s important and what isn’t. Promises are easily forgotten,” Mama Si continued.

“I won’t—” I started, but she wouldn’t hear it.

“You’re only human,” she insisted. “You’re only human and I’ve been here long enough to know exactly what that means. There’s just no way. No way this could work.” She stood up from her chair and my heart tripped all over itself, but I refused to open my eyes still because if I did, I’d cry. If I did, I’d probably start begging her, and I had some semblance of dignity left, at least. Just a little bit, so I stayed put.

Mama Si walked ahead a few feet, going closer to the windows that showed us the ocean and the sky above. I felt her presence even though I couldn’t see her.

Now that I thought about it, she did really feel just like the forest. Just like the animals. Just like that piano I was never going to play again.

“I can’thideyou. I can’t keep you here indefinitely—human.You’re human. You’re not going to become Enchanted. You’re not going to die anytime soon, I assume, either—you’re so young…”

My eyes popped open.

Stars in my vision, even though it was pretty dark in the room. I looked at Mama Si’s back as she stood there in the middle of the room, arms wrapped around herself, staring out the window.

No thoughts in my head all of a sudden—except one. No noise. No buzzing, just that one thought. I released my numb fists slowly.

“Say that again?” I said, standing up to go closer.

Mama Si turned around, surprised. “What?”

“Can you say what you just said again?”

“I can’t hide you, I can’t keep you here indefinitely, you’re human, you’re too young to die soon, you’re not going to become Enchan?—”

“That.” I stopped in front of her, turning my back to the windows. “Become Enchanted. How does one do that?”

She blinked, raising her brows in surprise, like she just realized what she said.

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