Page 135 of Mama Si's Paradise

My heart was breaking so fast so hard, it was a surprise he couldn’t hear it. “That’s not up to me, is it? The Blood Call decides.”

My blood would decide which one of the brothers it was compatible with, however that worked. There really wasn’t much I could do but sit there and take it—that’s what my life had come to. I’d willingly submitted to those around me, and now when I didn’t want to do that anymore, I was forced to.

“Butyoudecide who you feel comfortable with,” Romin said, taking my wine and putting it on the table before he framed my face with his big hands, bringing us even closer. His lips were so close to me that my stomach twisted and turned—would he kiss me?

And what the hell would I do if he did?

“You decide who you let in your company, Fall. I want to get to know you. I want to understand you better so that if I’m lucky enough to be your Master, I’ll know how to give you everything you need and want,” he said in a hushed whisper, which made the entire conversation infinitely more intimate.

Everything I need and want is toleavehere,I wanted to say, but I wasn’t brave enough to face whatever he’d choose to do to keep me here if he knew my intentions.

“Fall, look at me.”

I did. It wasn’t just his voice, but that aura, that power that hung about him that made it impossible to disobey him. He was so close that I saw the colors of his eyes, and the black of them opened into a rich chocolate brown.

“I promise you one thing if you become mine: I will give you everything your heart desires. You’llalways come first, and I don’t just mean in bed.” Slowly, his lips stretched into a smile and heat poured all over me. Fuck, I was melting away and I could feel it.

“Like I said, it’s notmychoice,” I whispered and casually moved away, grabbing the wine from the table again. If I was going to have to sit here and listen to him talking to me like that, I would rather be a little tipsy.

Romin smiled. “You intrigue me. I am praying, Fall,” he said in a hushed whisper. “I amprayingfor you like I never have before.”

Oh,please, please don’t.“You have the most brides out of all your brothers,” I said, half-joking, just to remind him of the fact. “I’m sure you’re plenty busy.”

“But I wantyou,too,” Romin insisted, taking a big sip of his own wine. I had no clue what the fuck I did, but he seemed to be evenmoreinfatuated with me right now, grinning like the devil while his eyes glistened. “Maybe it’s no accident that we haven’t been able to sire an heir for such a long time. Maybe it’s no accident thatIam not a father yet. Maybe I was waiting for the exactly right match, someone I fully, trulywant.” I threw up in my mouth a little. “And I usually get what I want, so here’s hoping that we’ll be each other’s forever.”

He raised his glass to mine. A miracle I didn’t spit out that bile for real as I clanked it, then pretended to drink but simply touched the wine to my lips. I wouldnotdrink to that absurd statement. Never.

If Romin noticed, he didn’t care. “Go ahead, then. Tell me about yourself. I want to know everything.”

I forced a smile on my face. “There really isn’t much to tell.”

“Well, I want to hear it anyway.”

And so, for the next hour I had to sit there and talk andtalk and talk without actually telling him anything significant about me.

By the time I made it back to my room, I was so exhausted, so desperate to escape this reality that I slept with wet cheeks without bothering to even take my makeup or my clothes off.

Thirty-Two

Emil was waitingfor me outside the dining room after breakfast the next day. He offered me his arm and I had to lace mine around it and smile when he declared he was taking me for a long walk in the courtyard at the back of the castle. I had to smile as he, too, promised me that he was going to give meeverythingif I became his and that he would love me until his dying breath if I only let him.

Shadow was flying around the courtyard, far away, but looking at him made telling Emil the same things I’d told Romin last night easier. It distracted me to watch his wings stretching and beating the air so powerfully while I pretended to be focused on the vampire beside me.

I endured. I didn’t cry. I let Emil hold my hand and smile at me and push my hair away from my face, and all the while a voice in my head whispered,you should feel lucky. You should be glad that such powerful, beautiful, terrifying men are all fighting for your attention. You should feel lucky!

So then why did I feel like I wanted to dive off a cliff somewhere and never be seen or heard of again?

Finally, Emil let me get back to my room with a black rosehe cut for me in the garden, the biggest one, with the softest velvety petals he said reminded him of my skin.

Then I was alone.

Valentine was nowhere to be seen the whole day, and so I locked myself in my room with the pretense that I had a terrible headache. It wasn’t a lie; it just wasn’t the whole truth, either.

Aster and Vinny brought dinner to my room, and no other Evernight came to take me on walks or offer me drinks that night. I just sat there in front of the window and waited for Valentine to come ask me to play for him in the theatre.

Fuck, the world was getting too crowded for me, and I just wanted to make music.

But Valentine didn’t come that night at all, and I was too much of a coward to go find the theatre myself—no, scratch that.

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