Page 68 of Mistle-Ho

There’s a pit in my stomach and I need to fill it. I need to comfort myself so I can comfort her.

I pause, the thought of caring for Alexis soothing the unrest crawling through my veins. Maybe I’m on the right track, but I have things in the wrong order.

We came straight from the police station, and I know that as much as Alexis likes all her pretty clothes, she loves being comfortable when she’s at home. Going straight into my bedroom, I collect one of my T-shirts and a pair of the soft pants she keeps here. Over the past couple of weeks, more and more of her things have crept into my space, and it’s still not enough.

I want to see her everywhere.

But, after tonight, I could be facing the opposite. It took everything I had not to do more damage than I did—to keep myself in check. And I still failed epically. Women don’t like to be owned. They don’t like to be possessed. They don’t want to be controlled and they sure as hell don’t want to be claimed. I get it. I don’t blame them.

I’m just not sure I can keep myself from it. IneedAlexis to be mine and mine alone. I’m more than willing to offer the same in return—whether she wants it or not. Hell, I might be willing to sign my soul over to her if she asked for it.

No. Not might. I would do it in a heartbeat.

Ready to do as much damage control as possible, I hurry back out of my room and down the hall. Then I stop short, my stomach bottoming out at the sight in front of me.

Alexis sits on my sofa with Cilantro curled up next to her. That part of this is pretty normal. I think my cat might like Alexis more than she likes me, and I don’t blame her one bit.

The problem staring me in the face is, I was in such a hurry to get to Al when she needed me, I left my little craft project outin the open. Now she has it in her hands, her delicate fingers tracing the less-than-perfect bands of crimson and gray I’ve been linking together for the past couple of weeks.

I swallow hard, certain this is the moment Alexis decides I’m too much. That the kind of love I have to offer is beyond overwhelming.

Her pretty blue eyes slowly lift away from the scarf to rest on my face. “Is this for me?” The question is quiet. Soft.

“Everything is for you, Al.” I don’t bother trying to hide the truth. It’s too late now. There’s no denying how far gone I am. How deep this goes.

She stares at me a second longer before her gaze returns to my subpar attempt at a craft Granny D mastered. She lifts the half-finished accessory and gently rubs it against her cheek. “This is cashmere.”

I take a deep breath, knowing I have to plead my case and I have to do it well. “I thought it was what you liked best about the scarf I gave you, so I found a place that sold it and decided to see if I could make one myself.” I fight the urge to step closer. “I’m not trying to replace the one your grandma made you.” I know I could never do that and I wouldn’t even try. Granny D would come back and haunt me. “I just figured you could work it into your rotation so the one Granny D made you would last longer.”

Alexis continues stroking the sizable portion I’ve completed. “These are The Swamp Cats’ colors.”

I can’t tell if the observation is a good thing or a bad thing, so I keep explaining. “I know most of our matches are when it’s warm out, but I thought there might be a few you could wear it to.” I shift on my feet. “If you want to. You don’t have to wear it at all if you don’t like it.”

I’m rambling. It happens a lot when I’m around her, and I know it gives me away. Offers a peek at the insecurities I try tohold close. Try to hide. Because men like me aren’t supposed to have them.

People think I’m always confident and sure. Always in control. Only Alexis knows the truth. And that’s because I meant what I said to her earlier. Every inch of me belongs to her. The good. The bad. The ugly.

“I love it.” Alexis gently sets my project onto the coffee table and slowly rises from the couch. “You know, as a kid, I thought my parents had the best marriage. That it was exactly what I wanted when I grew up.” She comes to stand in front of me, head tipped way back so her eyes stay on mine. “But then I dated Hugo and realized that while my parents seemed happy with the dynamics of their relationship, I would never be okay with a man sitting around waiting for me to bring him his dinner.”

She reaches up to smooth a small hand down the center of my chest. “Then we started spending time together, and you’re always the one taking care of me.” Her pale brows pinch together. “You do all the cooking. You save me from assholes. You rescue me when my car doesn’t start.” Her head swivels toward the scarf. “Now you’re spending hours making me a gift.” Al’s eyes come back to my face. “And it makes me afraid that I might still end up in a relationship like my parents, just with the roles reversed.”

Alexis inches closer, bringing the full swell of her tits against my stomach. “I don’t want you to think you have to wait on me, Gavin. I don’t want you thinking you have to make up for something that doesn’t exist.” Her hands slide higher, curving over my shoulders. “I know you don’t see it, but you arenothinglike your dad. Some jealousy and possessiveness is normal. Everyone feels that way about the person they’re with.”

Alexis pinches her lower lip between her teeth for a second as her eyes move over my face. “While we were waiting at the station to make the report, I thought about what I would havedone if I walked in and saw another woman pressed against you.”

I swallow hard, uncertain whether or not I want to know the answer to my next question. “What would you do?”

Alexis gives me a slow, sly smile. “Let’s just say I’m pretty sure I would make my mother look docile.” She scrunches her face adorably. “And I probably wouldn’t have been nice enough to make her apologize to you, because I would have been busy ripping all her hair out.”

I find myself smiling at her confession. “Yeah?”

Alexis nods. “I think it’s fair to say jealousy and possessiveness exists on both sides.”

Could it really be that simple? That the thing I’ve worked so hard to escape in my adult life is not only inescapable, it’s normal? “I’m not sure everyone feels this way though, Al.”

She gives me a little shrug. “Maybe not. But I bet way more people do than you think.” She lifts her brows. “You think Leo doesn’t feel that way over Maddie?”

That eases even more of my long-harbored fears. It also reminds me there’s something I should tell her. “Leo says he loves her.” My allegiance has always been to my best friend, but that loyalty has somewhat shifted. Especially in this situation.

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