Page 41 of Mistle-Ho

19

She Does What She Wants

Alexis

I’M TRYING TO reconcile the Gavin from my high school memories with the information he’s giving me now, but it’s not easy. The overgrown boy I remember was always smiling and easy-going. Not once did he give any hint that he was suffering.

And I hate that. I hate that shame and embarrassment forced him to hide his pain.

“Do you talk to either of your parents much now?” It takes a lot of work to keep my voice from showing how angry I am. I know myself well enough to recognize my face is probably giving me away, but I control what I can, and my face... That bitch does what she wants.

Gavin’s eyes drop to where my hand holds his. “I just had dinner with my dad a few weeks ago. Up until now I’ve been taking him out for his birthday and Easter and Christmas.”

There’s something off in the way he said that—how he prefaced it. “Up until now?”

Gavin takes a breath so deep it lifts his shoulders and expands his already broad chest. As he lets it out, he turns his palm so it meets mine, our fingers lacing together. “I love him, but he’s just so fucking miserable.” Gavin lets his head drop back against the sofa. “The most fucked-up part is, I think he likesit.” His voice lowers. “And I think he wants me to be just as miserable.”

Again, I have to rein in my reaction, because what kind of shit-ass parent would want their child to be miserable? “That’s fucked up.”

Ok, so maybe I’m not great at reining in my reactions.

Gavin’s eyes lift to mine. “It is, isn’t it?”

I scoot a little closer, wanting to comfort him. “What he did was awful, and unfair.” I hook one leg across his knee. “My parents are pissed as hell at Leo over Maddie Miller, but they would never want him to be unhappy. Even Christmas morning in the kitchen, they would have fought anyone who tried to hurt him.” I huff out a little laugh. “And that probably includes Maddie Miller’s ex-husband.”

Sure, it would’ve gone against everything they were upset about, but my parents have always fought for us, and they always will. That’s what parents do.

Some parents. Obviously not all. And that breaks my heart for Gavin. Makes my chest ache and my throat tight. But I know something that might make us both feel a little better. A fact he may not have fully internalized. “My parents would fight for you too.”

Gavin takes another one of those deep, shoulder shifting breaths, the devastation I was hoping might dissipate lingering on his handsome face. “I know they would.” His hand grips mine a little tighter. “That’s why this thing we’re doing should probably stop.”

That has me mentally stumbling, but before my brain can even hit the metaphorical ground, I get pissed. “Are you saying you think I would push you out of my family?” I scoff, offended and irked and insulted. “What kind of an asshole do you think I am?”

“No.” The word jumps out of his mouth, loud and sharp. “That’s not what I’m saying at all.” His eyes move over mine like he’s searching for something. “I don’t think you would do that. That’s not how you are.” His hand comes to my face, smoothing across my skin then down my hair. “It’s me. I’m the problem.”

I’m trying to follow along, but I’m not picking up what he’s putting down. “How are you the problem?”

His jaw clenches tight, a muscle in the side of his face twitching from the pressure. “I’m just like my dad, Al. If we did this and then it went wrong...” He pauses, voice dropping low when he says, “I can’t trust myself to be around you after that.”

He’s giving me bits and pieces and I’m doing my best to put them together, but it almost seems like he’s trying to say— “So you think you’re jealous of Dillon because you’re just like your dad?”

Gavin’s expression doesn’t change, but I can see a shift in his eyes. A pain that wasn’t there before. One he’s hidden so well I never suspected a thing. “If that’s how I act now, can you imagine how I would be a month down the road? A year?”

I rub my lips together, because I’m messy enough that thinking about Gavin being jealous over me has my insides doing somersaults. “How would you be?” The question comes out breathy and soft, giving away how questionable my wants and desires are.

A flash of heat and possessiveness flares across his face and I fucking love it. I also hate it. I saw how devastated Gavin was at the prospect of being like his father. But, while I may not know much about that ass, I do know a lot about Gavin. More than enough to say with almost complete certainty he could never be like him.

One day he’ll figure that out, but for now, maybe I can make things a little easier. Make him feel a little better.

“Then it’s probably a good thing I couldn’t be less attracted to Dillon.” I wiggle around, dropping down to sit across his thighs, my knees braced at his hips. “I made the terrible mistake of going out with him once.” Leaning close, I brace my hands against his shoulders and let my lips brush against his ear. “And let me assure you, he doesn’t hold a candle to you.”

Gavin sucks in a breath when I nip at the lobe of his ear. His big hands grip my ass, palming it through the fabric of his shirt as he groans. “Al.”

His voice is strained, and I smile against his skin as I leave a trail of wet kisses down his thick neck. “He is so far beneath you, there’s no comparison.” Letting my fingers slide down the front of his chest, I seek out the fly of his jeans and work it open. “I’ve never touched him, and he never touched me.” I’m a little braver this time and I get his pants open pretty quickly. Fast enough Gavin doesn’t seem to see what’s coming. I slide one leg off the couch, planting my foot on the floor for balance as I drop to my knees between his feet, eyes on his face as I say, “I definitely would never have done this for him.”

“Al.”

I’ve always hated that nickname, but that was because I thought it was a joke to him. But now—hearing it pass through his lips all ragged and rough—it might be my new favorite thing.

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