Page 84 of Black Bird

They both watched her as she leaned on the broom handle. “Tell me what to do.”

He died inside wondering where she might be … who might have intercepted her. Even after Rhaena had reported several times throughout the evening that Sarah had made it home and was safe, he couldn’t help wondering every moment when somebody would catch wind of her being there and try to go after her the way that they had with Wren. Wren had been oddly accepting of the truth, and yet—all he could do was worry. He was grieving, he realized. That pain had hit him harder than he ever expected. Even as he drank himself nearly blind and had already put away a pack and a half while he draped across his couch, all he could think about were those eyes. How broken she’d been when she realized how badly he’d betrayed her. He could feel every ounce of her pain. And when she’d said she hated him …

Fuck … she hated him.

It didn’t matter how many times Wren and Rhaena had tried to tell him it was only her emotional reaction, and she in no way actually hated him … hearing it was the hardest blow. It was like slowly watching someone die of cancer. He knew it was coming and still, no one can prepare you for the loss. The numbing pain. Wren had texted him from Rhaena’s apartment, hours after they’d left him to his sorrows, that Sarah had finally texted her back. Only one word to let her know she was safe at her place. At least she’d talk to someone. When Wren had asked her if she could come and talk, it was a simple no.

Athan stared at the photo on his screen of her in the lab. Could still feel that kiss on his mouth … her hands on his skin. Even Poe was quieter since she’d walked out that door. He lifted the whiskey bottle to his lips, turning it up and drinking a heavy swallow. Maybe he needed a few days off. He slid another cigarette into his mouth and flicked his lighter open. As the cherry burned between his fingers, he ran a hand slowly through his hair and closed his eyes.

“You left me there to die…”

“I hate you.”

“… I love you …”

That whisper, that he still wasn’t positive he’d heard, still lingered. Now he’d wished he’d said it back to her. For whatever it would have been worth … even now. Athan took another long drag on his cigarette, blowing it out slowly and clutching the bottle to his chest. To the heart he wished wasn’t beating inside it.

Sarah had stood in that shower until the hot water had run out. It had taken her nearly two hours to get home and the storm had long sinceended, leaving a cloudy November day that chilled her to the marrow in her bones. She almost wished she’d get deathly sick from it. At least she’d feelsomething. After she bathed and realized that no amount of scrubbing would erase the grime of the truth she’d figured out, she laid curled up in her bed and cried herself to sleep, occasionally reaching for anything she could find to throw and break against the wall. One day. She’d allow herself one day. Tomorrow she would do just about anything to get him off her mind.

Her mother’s pendant laid against her chest as she turned her face back into her pillow and sobbed. She didn’t know if she’d ever stop wanting that man. As badly as he’d hurt her. As much as she wished that she actually did mean the last words she’d said to him. The way he had humbly agreed to leave her alone and respect what she’d asked. She didn’t mean it. Not truly. She couldn’t figure out why the one thing that hurt her the most was the only thing she wished she could have right now.

“Darkness there … and nothing more.”

He had tried to tell her. Several times. And she knew it now. Knew why he’d rejected her. Knew why he would only go so far, and why he was always so hesitant. Sarah leaned up onto her knees, her eyes still pouring, and reached up to the framed poster on her wall. Her fists slammed into the glass, a web of cracks branching out from both points of contact. She wailed, ripping it from the wall and throwing it with strength she never knew she possessed across the apartment.

CHAPTER 13

ACTING OUT

Rhaena was still trying to relax her muscles, after training with Captain Foley this morning, when she reached her desk at the 12th and sat her cup down. She stared at Athan, who paid her absolutely no mind while he wrote down more shit on the white board and downed yet another cup of black coffee. He hadn’t slept in three days. Wren had told her she was getting very little from Sarah, and the only way that Rhaena knew that their vic had gone back to work was in thanks to the reports she was getting from the officers that were keeping eyes on her. All still remained quiet, but she knew that quiet wasn’t good.

“Who is that?” Rhaena asked, pointing to the new face on the board.

Athan didn’t turn to acknowledge her as he moved the red marker across the surface and sipped from his mug. “His name is Patrick Finley. Missing person.”

“What does he have to do with the case?” she asked, sitting on the edge of her desk. She noticed the new photo of the body they recovered on Halloween was up, too. The one that had been staged to look exactly like Sarah.

“He’s been missing for weeks. Last seen on the same side of town that Black Bird is on. I think she’s got him. There’s no body. No communication. None of his football team, or his friends have heard from him. Girlfriend says they broke it off a few hours before he went missing.”

“Why do you think Dahlia has him? Do you have any leads?”” Rhaena asked.

“Well … where would you go if you just got—” He paused, the tip of the marker held still against the whiteboard. His throat bobbed and Rhaena knew exactly why he didn’t finish that sentence. It hurt her to see him like this. “I think he went to go drown his sorrows and she saw him as a good opportunity. I don’t have proof … just a theory.”

“I don’t wanna say what I just noticed.” Rhaena slid off the desk. He finally turned his face to look at her. Even immortality couldn’t hide his grief.

“What?”

“That kid favors you. Not the hair, obviously, but look at his face. If I pictured you as a teenager, I imagine that’s about how you’d look in your youth.” They stared at the photo of the young athlete and Athan’s jaw tightened. “How much coffee have you had this morning?”

“Not enough.”

“You look like hell. You need to eat … or … you know. Some sleep wouldn’t kill you, either. Why don’t you—”

“I’m not going home. I could bleach that whole apartment and her scent is still there. I’d still have to borrow coffee from your place because the one I bought got trashed. I can’t go there without spending the whole night drinking.” He sighed, closing his eyes and running a hand through his hair. “Just leave it,” he said, turning back to his desk and leaving her standing at the board. He dropped into his chair, and it screeched as he turned it around. Enough to make Rhaena grind her teeth.

“She went back to work,” she offered. He didn’t turn around. “If I didn’t know better, I’d say she’s having a hard time not thinking of you either, Kane.”

“Doesn’t matter,” he breathed, jiggling his mouse and dismissing the screensaver on his monitor.

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