Page 68 of Black Bird

“No … you’re reading it right. I do want to, Sarah. You have nofucking—” He bit his lip in frustration. “I can’t. Trust me when I tell you, it’s hard for me too.”

“If this is about your job.” She looked around. “There’s nobody here.”

“It’s not just that.” Athan couldn’t stop himself from reaching up and tucking her hair behind the line of piercings down her ear. “There’s a lot we need to talk about before anything happens between us.”

She shrugged and looked down at the gun on the cushion. “I would argue that it’s a little late for that, wouldn’t you? I know … about you and your partner.”

“What?”

“It was pretty obvious … I asked her about it in the truck that night after the bar fight. She told me the truth. She told me I should let some steam out of the pot.” She smiled.

Athan tensed and found it hard to hide his irritation. “Is she home?”

“Yeah, she came home a couple hours ago.” Sarah stilled and he could feel her eyes staring holes into his face. He finally met her stare. “If you still want her, I—”

“What? No …” Athan argued, tracing circles on her bare back. “We were never … it’s not what you think.” They stared at each other for what seemed like forever and his heart beat faster. She was right here. An open invitation, and he couldn’t find it in himself to do it. His blood was on fire. Sarah smiled at him, seeming to realize his struggle.

“Could I just …” She leaned forward, easing him backward and straddled him while she laid on his chest, resting her cheek in the crook of his shoulder. He’d never let anyone do that. It never felt bearable … until now. “I’m sorry I dirtied up your pistol.” She snorted.

Athan stared at the wall and huffed a laugh, tightening his arms around her. “I’m sorry I almost shot you with it.” They both chuckled andhe felt himself relax beneath her. Poe ruffled in his cage and screeched at the audacity of being wholly ignored in the corner.

“Presently … my soul grew stronger,” Sarah whispered, her breath warm against his neck. “Hesitating then no longer …” Athan’s chest tightened.

“Madam … truly your forgiveness I implore,” he recited softly. Poe trilled, listening from his cage and Sarah nestled closer into his neck.

“That I scarce was sure I heard you … here I opened wide the door …” she breathed. It was like it had been written for them. She was inviting a monster in, and she didn’t even know it. He clenched his jaw.

“Darkness there … and nothing more,” he whispered, closing his eyes. She slid a palm across his chest and let it rest over his heart.

“Let my heart be still a moment … and this mystery explore …” He knew what she was asking and there was no use in trying to deny that he’d give it to her … if she still wanted it once she knew the truth. He’d give her anything she wanted.

“Till the dirges of his hope that melancholy burden bore … of ‘Never—nevermore’.” Sarah gripped his shirt in her hand, and he grazed his fingertips over her shoulder, trailing them down her arm until their hands met and he held it.

“Don’t leave me … okay?” she whispered.

Athan turned his face, resting his lips on the top of her head and breathing her in. “I won’t.”

It wasn’t long before her breathing became deep and even, and Athan turned them to fit across the couch. She didn’t stir much, and he kept his hold on her hand throughout the night. So many thoughts were racing through his mind that he was sure he’d never fall asleep, but as foreign as it felt to be so comfortable tangled up in her … sleep found him before he could outrun it.

“What are you doing to me …” he whispered against her hair, closing his eyes and letting the comfort of the dark sweep all the worry from them … at least for now.

As little as she had on, Sarah felt warm. She opened her eyes, realizing that he’d turned them to lay across the length of his leather couch. The room was dimly lit with the dawn creeping from the windows, and she was nestled between his body and the back of the couch, her bare leg draped between his. Athan’s chest rose and fell slowly in sleep, their joined hands a canvas of artwork as inked figures blended together across his white shirt. Her cheek rested on his shoulder, and she dared a look up at him. He was devastating … especially when that unusually stern expression he always carried was mulled over in peace while he slept. His lips were barely parted, and he breathed silently. He’d made it clear when she put on that show last night that those lips were off-limits. It was killing her to respect it, and whatever it was that was keeping him from acting on what he so clearly wanted to give right back to her, gnawed on her every nerve like a starving rat.

It was a bold move, she had to admit. One she would have absolutelyneverconsidered before getting attacked in that alley. But damn, it was intense.Hewas intense. He never even really touched her, and Sarah swore it was one of the most pleasurable sexual experiences she’d ever had with anyone, just by the tension and the recklessness of it all. Her skin heated just by the thought. The hunger in his eyes when he’d watched her … when he’d—she had a hard time believing what they’d done last night. But regardless of how absolutely insane that stunt was … it told her enough about this thing between them not being one-sided. Maybe he couldn’t bring himself to touch her … but it made her wonder how far he’d lethergo now that that line in the sand had been tested.

Sarah slid her hand from beneath his and trailed her palm gently down his middle. She’d made it far enough to reach his belt without waking him and she tugged the buckle, the leather sliding out of place and clinking open. She watched his eyes flutter open and meet hers, his arm tightening around her back and his other hand moving to stop her. They didn’t speak, but she could feel that buzzing of tension between them thickening the way it always did when they looked at each other for too long. His grip on her hand eased off a little and she pulled his button open on his jeans. His silent breathing had quickened a bit, growing louder … heavier. He didn’t take his eyes from hers. Sarah pulled his zipper down and a muscle feathered in his jaw.

She rested her fingers on the waistline of his pants in silent permission, and after a few long moments, he finally decided to let her. Athan’s hips rose slightly, and she pulled the material down past them, knowing exactly what she’d just freed, but not balking from his intense stare to peek down at it.

His throat bobbed and every muscle in his body tightened under her. He let a shaky breath through his nose as if he were either terrified, or so worked up he couldn’t stand himself, though Sarah couldn’t figure out which … maybe it was both. She only wanted to give him back what he’d given her. She thought that reciting certain parts of that poem last night had told him as much. He’d answered in a way that led her to believe that it was alright, or she would never have attempted this at all. Those icy eyes tore through hers and he managed a slow nod.

He breathed unsteadily, grazing her hand with his fingers and letting her make her move. Sarah’s heart beat like a war drum and she touched him. If he knew exactly what she was trying to do, he didn’t let on. As much as she wanted to strip the rest of herself bare and climb on top of him, Sarah knew that it was a boundary she couldn’t cross. He flinched beneath her touch, a sharp breath catching in his throat as she wrapped her fingers around his cock. She couldn’t help but release a breath of her own, surprised by the mere size of him. His hand reached around hers, squeezing it around himself tighter and she stroked him. The more their hands moved, the harder he breathed. He was like steel beneath her grip. Sarah pressed herself against his thigh. He seemedso desperate for her that it was like he hadn’t been touched in ages … that couldn’t be the truth. Him and Northwood had … but she did remember Rhaena telling her that night after the bar that he wasn’t the type that let anyone close. That was evident by his personality alone.

Athan’s hand left hers and he reached behind her head, pulling her closer until their heads touched and they shared every ragged breath. Their mouths were so close—sodamnclose—but she tested every bit of her will as he started pushing himself in and out of her tight grip. She worked him faster, and low groans rasped in his throat. When he closed his eyes, she felt him pulsing in her hand. Sarah slid herself down his body, his hand still in her hair and stroked down to the base of his cock as she closed her mouth around the tip. He jerked, fisting her hair, and she hummed against his skin. She took him deeper, her hand moving with her while her head bobbed up and down.

“Sarah …” He groaned. “Dear God …” Athan writhed under her, one hand in his hair while he gripped hers tighter. His head fell back against the arm of the couch and every sound he made had molten heat pooling between her legs. She sucked hard, lowering her head back down, and taking him so far into her throat that she gagged. He throbbed in her mouth, cursing while he shot thick ribbons that warmed the back of her throat. Sarah swallowed him down and kept at it until he started to settle, sweeping her thumb across the tip and watching him nearly salivate when she raised herself up and sucked it off her finger. His eyes moved over her bare chest and down her inked body and he seemed like he was struggling to breathe when he leaned himself up to meet her.

“It didn’t seem fair … you know?” Sarah whispered as his hand dropped from her hair to her jawline. “I had to give you what’s yours.”

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