Page 120 of Black Bird

“I’m really sorry,” Sarah offered, passing him the cigarette. “That must have been hard.”

“I didn’t take it well. And I was alone. I wouldn’t have made the kind of money she did at the distillery, and I knew I couldn’t manage myself on that salary, so … I left. I got some training from some of my mother’s friends and I—” He paused, glancing at Sarah in shame. “I started selling myself.” Her brows raised in surprise, then started to lower as if she was realizing now why he was this way. It comforted him that he at least didn’t have to explain in too much detail his reasons for the way he was with women. “I’d never slept with anyone before. I’d kissed a few girls, but nothing ever came of it. Madame Olivia and Lady Gerlenetutoredme.” Athan smirked. “I had no idea what I was doing. They taught me all the ways that a woman could be most pleased. Laid down all the rules about the kind of profession that couldremaina profession, as long as I followed those rules. No kissing them on the mouth. It was too intimate a gesture, and often made them mistake the job for feelings that weren’t real. Don’t let them explore too much with their hands. Don’t lie with them face to face. Things like that.”

“So, that’s why you never faced Rhaena when you slept together?”

Athan was grateful for the darkness, if for no other reason than to hide the flush of his cheeks. “… yeah.”

“Was she one of your clients?” Sarah asked, her tone almost territorial. It caused a slight tug in his chest.

“She was. I ended up being one of the most sought out escorts, and the highest paid male one in Old London. It sounds flashy, but I was fucking miserable. After two years of sleeping with lonely women for money, and going home to an empty bed … I really didn’t get how my mother could ever smile the way she did with me. I had gone to the brothel one night, drunk off my ass, and Olivia said that there was a woman that paid an unheard-of amount to have me bed her. I was obliterated and she whooped my ass for it. It didn’t sober me much, but I tried to get my shit together and went up there anyway. That was the night that I met her.” Something icy and painful seeped through him just thinking about it. Sarah remained quiet. “I think she’d been watching me for a while. I started doing what I’d been paid to do, and before I could remember to follow my own rules, she tore my neck apart.”

Athan could feel Sarah staring a hole through him from his peripheral. He continued to stare forward and dragged on his cigarette. “She bled me nearly dry, and when I tried to fight off Death … she pinned me to the bed and drowned me out with a pillow. I don’t really remember what it felt like to die. I only remember what it felt like when she forced her own blood down my throat and my body changed. It was the worst pain I’d ever felt. I had tried to outrun Death … instead, Ibecameit.” He swallowed, and heard Sarah loudly do the same. “She told me that from then on, I belonged to her. That she was gonna give me a life I’d never dreamed of. I still think she actually believes that her life is something to be envied. Immortality has never been a blessing. I’ve been begging God to find a way to kill me ever since.” He looked over at Sarah, who looked like she was about to cry. “That is, until I met you.”

“How did you get out?” Sarah asked hoarsely.

“Years ago, I came up with this idea that I could keep the coven from feeding on humans. I struck up a deal with your boss, and he agreed to supply the coven with plasma. I brought it up at a council meeting with Dahlia and the other higher ups and she agreed to it. I told her I’d like to leave … be out on my own. That I’d try to get a spot with BPD and cover our tracks to hide suspicion because the body count had gotten so bad. She went for it. If I played it her way for about seventy more years and kept the world from knowing what we are … she’d give me my freedom.”

“Your freedom?” Sarah repeated. “So, because she made you … you’re like a slave?”

“Not all sires are like her. She collects people … mostly men. She can force you to do whatever she wants. Especially, if you’ve recently taken her blood. Some covens keep order, but generally just live. Or survive, depending on how you want to look at it.”

Sarah looked lost in thought. “So … what happened with the blood?”

“EverLife was broken into, as I’m sure you heard already. The blood was tainted with influenza and contaminated purposely. All of which happened around the time we suspect Conrad Stratford startedteaming up with her, apparently. The night that I saw you at the club … I had a meeting with Dahlia about how many bodies were starting to pop up around the city. We argued about the problem with the blood supply, and she threatened to drop our agreement if I didn’t find a way to fix it. Nobody in that coven gives a shit about human life. They’ll feed on a human without a second thought before they ever lower themselves to feeding on animals.”

“And you think this was her? So that you fail and have no choice but to go back to her?” Sarah asked, raising up to stand.

“I don’t really have any doubt about that anymore, Sarah. And to make matters worse … I think she killed that victim last night with her bare hands. It’s not just the Feds that are after you, or the government … or fucking Stratford. If Dahlia had a bag of her own and turned that girl with it … she must know what your blood is capable of giving her. She wants you, too. And I think she came looking for you last night, but I was there. I think she knows that I—” He paused, swallowing.

“That youwhat…” Sarah stepped closer. Athan’s heart pounded, and he could hear every beat like a bass drum in his ears. She took his elbow and turned him to face her. “Look at me,” she whispered. He slowly raised his eyes until they locked onto hers and his breathing nearly stopped.

“That I’m in love with you …”

He watched her body droop as if it were the biggest relief. Something in his middle went so tight that he thought whatever it was would snap him in half. It was almost painful. “You love me?” she asked, voice heavy around the obvious tears she was choking back.

“Yes …”

“Say it, Athan. I need to hear you say it.” She reached up and grazed his mouth with her fingertips, and he tried desperately not to close his eyes.

“I love you, Sarah.” It was like taking in air after thinking he’d drown. Like leaping into icy water after being up in flames. “I think I’ve loved you since the first time you spoke to me in that hospital. I didn’t deserve you then, and I don’t deserve you now. I’ve never been in love before. I’m no good at it. I don’t know what it is, or how to use it, but …” He loosed a steadying breath. “I fuckingloveyou. So much that I barely know who the hell I am anymore. You make me forget the monster I am and embrace what it’s like to be human again. You gave me something impossible … and it’s worth so much more to me than being able to enjoy sunlight or live like a normal person. It’s worth so much more than the blood in that bag. You’ve changed every part of me just knowing you, and if knowing you is all I’ll ever get … it was worth everything I’ve ever been through to have it.”

Sarah closed the space between them and threw her arms around his neck, the blanket dropping to the porch when her body crashed into his. Athan took the side of her face in one hand, his other arm wrapping around her back and holding her up as he kissed her. It was deep, tender—violent even, but perfect. More perfect than the couple of hoursthey spent on his bed the night before she found out the truth. His mouth moved over hers, their tongues warring with the other until his neck felt like it was on fire and the excruciatingly tight pinch in his middle snapped entirely. Sarah flinched at the same time, as if she’d felt it too, and Athan groaned as he tore away from her and grasped at his neck. It pulsed under his hand, and he looked over to Sarah who was now holding her chest, as well as her stomach.

“What just happened?” She panted raggedly. He was about to tell her that he didn’t know, but before he could say a word, the pain eased and was slowly replaced by a tether so strong that it was without question.

She was his mate. And they were just bound together. And the pain he’d just felt …

“You severed it,” Athan breathed, his eyes widening. “You broke the bond that tied me to her.”

“What?” Sarah rested against the post, shaking. “How? What does it mean?”

“I—I don’t know, for sure …”

“Athan …” Sarah’s head cocked to the side in irritation as she continued to breathe heavily.

“I really don’t, Sarah. The only theory that makes sense is that you and I are—we’re mates … and you just claimed me.”

She straightened and furrowed her brows. “By mate, I’m assuming you don’t mean a chum…a good buddy?” He tried not to smirk as he shook his head. “Is thatpossible?”

---