Page 23 of Defining Us

“I had a huge crush on you. That’s why I couldn’t look you in the eye. Or do anything other than stammer.Youmademenervous. And with everything that happened with my ex, I was still too…fragile, I guess.”

“I started putting the pieces together after our car ride. But my pride and insecurity and all that shit held strong. That’s why I downloaded that stupid app on a whim. I wanted to show I was interested, but I didn’t want to push or anything?—”

“I might need to be pushed sometimes. Otherwise, I’ll stand still for the rest of my life.”

“Even so. Not if it makes you cry.”

She shook her head, praying for eloquence as she launched into an overdue explanation. “My probationary period at the library ends on Monday. I panicked that someone would find out what we did. Wild sex in the workplace isn’t exactly appropriate.”

He considered that, his chest rising as if inhaling her words and the weight behind them. “Fair enough.”

“And I also freaked out because of the Christine factor.”

Bewilderment flickered on his face. “What does Christine have to do with this? How do you even know about her?”

“Joel, you know how small towns are,” she said with a shrug. “People talk. And I saw you with her yesterday at the bakery.”

“Ah, hell. I didn’t realize. Listen, Christine and I are not getting back together.”

Hearing it straight from Joel himself was comforting, but she wanted to clarify her hasty reaction. “My ex cheated on me,” she divulged. “Constantly. I lost count of how many times. And all my suspicions were turned on me, manipulated to make me think I was being unreasonable. Acting crazy. And when I saw you with her, I just…”

“I’m telling you. Christine is a nonfactor. She had a massive gambling problem. It was…” His jaw clenched, and he shook his head as if to dispel the memories. “I don’t want to get into the details, but it was bad, okay? Almost-lost-the-auto-shop kind of bad. She’s been in a program, and she came back to?—”

“Make amends,” Mallory finished for him, the puzzle finally solved.

“That’s right. I was avoiding her, trying to dodge her calls, but she was persistent. And I finally agreed to meet her.”

Sure enough, Mallory hadn’t only jumped to conclusions. She’d full-on leaped to them like a long jump Olympian. How easy to do so, instead of believing in what they’d been building toward. It was effortless to default to the worst possible outcome, and it took all the strength in the world to have faith. But rebuilding faith—in yourself, in others, in the world—was the ultimate challenge, and she evidently still had a long way to go. But there was no place else she’d rather do the work than in Honeysuckle, with her beautiful library and maybe even with this man beside her.

“Probably should’ve had some of these conversations before we slept together,” she joked, and his laugh warmed her insides like a hot toddy.

“Probably,” he agreed with a droll smile.

“It’s just hard sometimes to evenhaveconversations when everything I said was twisted and—I mean, not with you, but with?—”

The gentle brush of his hand against her cheek silenced her. “I understand.”

“But I’m in the therapy, and I’m really trying to get better,” she finished, finally rife with confidence.

He nodded, his unwavering belief in her apparent with that simple motion. As much as she craved his kiss, she desired something else even more. She flattened her body against his solid chest without pretense, and he wrapped his strong arms around her, enveloping her in a healing hug. The damp fabric of his shirt seeped against her cheek, but it didn’t blot out the inferno of hope within her.

“Do you want to give this a go?” she whispered.

“I’ve wanted that since the second I laid eyes on you.”

Her head fell back to beam at him. Joel returned the joy, his once stoic stare now radiant, and he bent down to claim her mouth in a gentle kiss that built in intensity.

“I still can’t believe we fucked in the library,” she said with a giggle when they finally came up for air.

His booming laugh was laden with exuberance. “I know. Especially since I jerk off to that fantasy all the damn time.”

“Same here,” she confessed, loving how easy it was to chuckle with him in the rain. “I thought about it so much I almost broke my vibrator.”

He wiggled his brows and said, “What about fucking in a tow truck?”

In tandem, both sets of eyes fluttered to the front seat. Without another word, they dashed off, scurrying around to the passenger side. Joel opened the door for her, ever the gentleman, although he followed that politeness with an ungentlemanly kiss, his hands gripping her hips greedily. Her skin was slick with rain, but her whole body burned for more of his touch.

Before they climbed into the truck, he blanched. A large tool bag sat on the passenger seat alongside strips of loose fabric and other garments—likely a collection of rags and spare T-shirts for particularly messy workdays. He hurriedly tossed everything away, hurling items onto the dashboard, the floor, and the driver’s seat.

---