Page 69 of Paddy

“Yeah, well, withthosewords, my world did,” I interrupted.

“I know, and I'm sorry. You were always there for me and when you needed me I wasn't. You didn't deserve that. Especially given Elijah and I might not have even walked out alive had it not been for you.”

“You fucking gutted me, Pretty,” I cried, tears welling up making my voice sound hoarse. “I was willing to let Moore blowmy fucking brains out for you. Without you, I felt like I had nothing to live for.”

“Paddy, it pains me so much to hear the father of my children say such horrible things about himself,” she said, joining me in the tear match.

“Pretty, I love Elijah, but I really wasn't trying to replace Vernon as his father. I just wanted to be there for both of you.”

“I wasn't talking about Elijah,” Pretty interrupted, as the room got quiet once it sunk in what she said. “It can only be yours,” she said, to confirm.

Finally able to look her in the eye, the beautiful storm running down her face made my heart instantly sink. It was like I was seeing her for the first time. “Pretty, I'm not even sure I deserve it. Up until now, life has shown me what it thinks I deserve. So far, that’s been nothing.”

“Paddy, my tears are foryou. They've been since the moment we were forced to share space. I've cried for you every day since we've been apart. I've been so lost without you. If you ever decided you were strong enough to forgive me, I would spendeverywaking moment proving to you how worthy of love you are. How much you mean to me, how much your sweet girl needsyou.”

“That's it, you're fucking marrying me. Ain't no woman of mine gonna be walking around a dishonest woman.”

Pretty leaned in and kissed me, stopping me from finishing my sentence, as I backed away, admiring her tear-stained face. I wiped the side of one cheek, in awe of her brown skin, brown eyes, and beautifully sculpted face. “Look how beautiful you look, my sweet girl.”

As if on command, she smiled at the sound of that. “I can’t wait to make you cry tears of pain and pleasure again. We’re gonna get married before we sin again, but I’ll be literally counting down the moments until my nightingale sings for me.”

Epilogue

Pretty

Oh, you should wear my mum's earrings,” Órfhlaith offered, opening a small box that showcased the generous sapphires clip ons. “They're not bad on the eyes, and they count as something blue.”

Placing the sapphire adornments on my ears, Queenie wobbled onto the chaise to rest her feet after slipping a pearl pin in my hair. “That covers something borrowed. You just need something old and something new.”

“My mother gave me a charm from a bracelet she's had forever. It's fallen apart over the years, but I just have it tucked under my sleeve.”

“You just need something new,” Órfhlaith slyly eyed in my direction as I reached for a box, a last-minute gift from my soon to be husband.

Lifting the lid, I admired the box's contents and the note that accompanied it.

For my sweet girl…

Two collars lined the box, one for ceremony appropriate and one for everyday use. Fingering the white collar through myfingers, I dripped it over my neck, admiring it's simple, but elegant make and fit.

“I actually have just the thing.”

***

Having only been a few weeks along, to avoid scandal and running mouths, Paddy had actually been in a rush to get married. For my public perception, he hadn’t wanted it to appear as if it were a shotgun wedding, and since he was Catholic, his level of urgency was swift.

I just hadn't expected a wedding of this magnitude to be organized so quick. Paddy didn't kid when he claimed he had family that had mademanyconnections. In fact, the only obstacle had only really been Elijah.

Everything that happened in the last few weeks, it had been understandable how much that traumatized Elijah. I took my responsibility for that, as he was just a kid having to navigate the decisions of the adults around him.

But after the funeral, Elijah didn't speak for a week. He went from having his father, Paddy, kids his age to play with, to absolutely no one. Once Paddy and I agreed to give each other space, that type of abandonment—whether intentional or not—I feared he’d never recover from.

In fact, bringing Paddy back into our lives had meant starting all over again, as winning him over meant convincing there’d be no chance of him leaving like that again. Paddy was more patient than ever, waiting for Elijah to come to him.

So, when Elijah finally broke down, Paddy held him, as they both cried and acknowledged their mutual losses. Paddy let him know that it was ok to miss his father and that he loved him, even though he’d been far from perfect until the end. But he also assured him, especially through his love for me, that he was always going to be here and had no plans to change that.

Slowly, we were leaning in to the idea that we’re a family and that didn’t take away from the family that was lost. Paddy was already someone Elijah idolized, so it was truly an honor that Paddy wanted to take this journey with us.

For all Paddy’s flaws, he did have amazing values when it came to raising kids. While he did feel men had certain roles, they weren’t as toxic as I’d led myself to believe the first time we met. He was even teaching my son it was ok to cry, as it’d always been something Vernon strongly discouraged when it came to Elijah’s pain.

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