Page 64 of Paddy

Dropping my face to my palm, arm leaning on the passenger side window, I said, “I've told you a dozen times.”

“Well, what did hesoundlike. Outside of being young?”

“I don't know.” I admitted with defeat. “Maybe Black?”

“The man on the phone sounded Black?” Paddy hyper focused on that. “Why do you say he sounded Black?”

“I don't know. Before I came home, I spent three months in Chicago, so I guess I just picked up on the accent.”

Watching Paddy's features grow more concerned, he had questions to follow up. “Did he sound like a gangster? A square?”

“I guess he just sounded like a regular guy.”

“I think I know what this might be about?—”

“I should have never stepped out on my marriage,” I interrupted in my frustration. “God is clearly punishing me for playing house with my fucking affair partner. What the fuck was I thinking? If I had just stayed faithful, I'd be home protecting my son right now. I would have never made such astupidmistake,” I yelled without thinking.

“So, I'm a mistake now?” Paddy questioned.

“Well, I'm here in the middle of fucking nowhere when Ishouldbe home, looking after my son. So yes,all of thisis a mistake.”

Paddy's hand hit the dashboard out of anger, forcing me to jump out in fear. “Well, if I'm your mistake, you must be Vernon's,” he said without context.

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“I was about to tell you, but that mouth of yours keeps flapping like you're actually saying something. I always thought it was strange that my war buddy was checking in on me out of the nowhere. We go way back, so I thought nothing of it, but he was my connection to Vernon. The reason why I was even referred to the job in the first place. I assumed I can trust him, so I asked if he could look after Vernon and Elijah while we were out of town?—”

“So, you're saying this isyourfault?” I interrupted.

“I don't know what I'm saying. But I know it ain't no coincidence Vernon’s suddenly never around, hell bent onkeeping you happy in an affair. Probably so you could turn a blind eye to his. Pretty when it comes to your husband, don't fucking delude yourself. Don't you ever wonder why Vernon never touches you, not even to lift a finger to comfort you. I'll tell you this. It ain't because of your weight or kids changing everything. Your husband prefers the company of men.”

“What the fuck are you talking about? Vernon and I share a son.”

“Stop and think about it. Would Vernon really be able to have a son any other way? You gave him what he wanted out of life. Purpose. Now he gets his other needs met somewhere else. I'm so fucking daft. I should have seen it before. Moore must be having an affair with your husband.”

I couldn't believe what he was saying. This was so fucking nuts. Vernon used to not be able to keep his hands off me. This couldn't be true. “Paddy, I know life has hardened you, but I never took you to have it in you to be so cruel or jealous. This is really fucking beneath you. But I guess what can I expect from an Irish gangster?” The last part I said under my breath.

“Well, this Irishgangsterdon't need no woman to create a job for me, just so I feel like a man. This Irishgangsterdon't need my woman working day and night so I could keep myself in nice cars and fancy suits. What the fuck do I need to be jealous for? I've gotten you to do things for me a man like Vernon couldneverget you to do. Vernon's decent but let's face it, you're more his mother than his wife. You make the money, you take care of the kids. He doesn't even have to do anything for you, and you're praising him for the bare minimum?—”

“Paddy, stop it! Why are you saying all these things about my husband?” I interrupted, tired of his rants and lies.

“Because he doesn't fucking love you like I do. He gets everything he wants from you, and you get nothing in return from him. I would never put you in a position where it wouldhurt your son, but your husband just might have done that very thing and you're ignoring all the obvious evidence.”

“Paddy, my husband is not cheating on me with a man! And even if he were, I still wouldn't leave him for you.” My comment silencing the car the remaining two hours left in the ride.

I shouldn't have said those words, but Paddy was being an asshole. I didn't even mean them. I spoke them out of anger. I’m not even sure why I said them. Yes I had love for Vernon, it but… it wasn't the same way that I felt about Paddy.

Paddy was the romantic love I thought only existed in fairy tales. But Paddy was complicated. The situation wasn't as simple as leaving my husband. Sometimes I had to think of my child.

When the car finally did come to a stop, it was around the corner of my Boston home. “Why did you park here?” Confused on why he hadn’t parked closer.

“Could you do more listening than talking for once? If we go through the front door, you don't know where they'll be. Might as well just walk around with a target on your forehead. Assumed you weren't that eager to die,” he explained, grabbing a gun out of his glove department and loading it before placing it in his holster.

“And by the way, this Irish gangster is about to solve your fucking problems. After that, you don't have to worry about me coming between you and your marriage. Vernon could fucking have you. I never want to see you again.”

Twenty-Nine

Paddy

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